Julie Hilsen: 0:07

Julie Hilsen. Hello, dear friends, and welcome to another episode of Life of Love, where we share the magic of living and the love vibration and just trying to figure out how to navigate this crazy thing called life and living our best lives. Our commitment to you is strong and we’re happy to have you every Thursday. To this Thursday, we have a wonderful guest. Her Donna Tashjian is and she’s a wonderful soul. She’s been in this area for over 25 years of helping people and coaching and leading people to a vibrant life. In fact, she’s a founder of a nonprofit called Vibrant Living International. So I’m just so pleased to have her bring her message forth and share her vibration with us, because this is something that’s been dear to her heart and the longevity of her service is just inspiring to me and I’m just overwhelmed to have her. I just want to welcome you to the show and let you know how happy I am to have you. Thanks for being here.

Donna Tashjian: 1:11

Thank you, julie. It’s a pleasure to be here today.

Julie Hilsen: 1:14

Oh, and I forgot to tell the audience you also have a podcast and it’s called you Were Designed for Greatness. Yes, I do. Excellent, so great. It’s just such a wonderful way to reach people Doing what you’ve been doing for 25 years. I’m sure you’ve seen a lot, but can you just go back and let the audience know how you started, like what was your impetus, what was your guiding force that you said I’m going to do this? Because 25 years ago there weren’t as many coaches as they are now. So tell us about your path a little bit.

The Power of Vibrant Living

Donna Tashjian: 1:48

Well, I was always the girl that I would find myself in situations where people would be asking me for advice, telling me things going on in their life and going back more than 25 years. And you know, if I’ve heard, I can’t believe I’m telling you this once. I’ve heard it a million times. And so it was. If you had asked the child me what I want to do, I just said I’m going to grow up and help people and I really didn’t know what that would look like. And when we talk about 25 years ago, it wasn’t called coaching. That wasn’t really the name, that the label, if we will, the title that was placed on it. You would have been more mentoring in those types of settings and so I have been meeting regularly. Prior to starting vibrant living, it was on a volunteer or just helping people, just kind of that way. And then vibrant living began 10 years ago and that was the pivot of me saying what do I want to really want to do? And creating a nonprofit organization specifically designed to helping people overcome life adversities, the disappointment that life brings, and helping people what does it mean to live vibrantly? And asking that question for each and every individual what would it mean if you lived vibrantly, what would? What would your life look like? What would be eliminated? What would you add? And begin to explore what that looks like. But it’s amazing how many people have trouble even dreaming a little bit. It feels scary. So that is a lot of it’s just been part of me and I finally said yes to myself and began to do it full time.

Julie Hilsen: 3:48

Wow. So, yeah, I can see, because you have this quiet openness about you where you just feel like you could share something with you and that you know it’s your presence. So I can see how that was started as a young child. Wow, and I do agree that sometimes it is scary to think what’s possible, because you know you could be let down. Or you know there’s always this fear that you’re not worthy that you. You know that. Who are you to? Who are you to say that you can live vibrantly, and won’t that put you above people? Or you know there’s always these, these things, these beliefs or fears that that sneak in when we’re trying to say, oh yeah, I just, I want to be happy. Well, like you said, what does that mean? Oh, wow, so that’s wonderful. I was wondering, from when you started work, you know, being a mentor, or when you, when, in the beginning, have you seen a shift in what people are struggling with or the speed that they’re getting through things? Is there anything that that you can look back on from then to now and and just give us some idea of? You know, you don’t always get the chance to pick somebody’s brain. Who’s been in this field, for you know for over two decades, right? So I’m just my curious mind wants to know have you seen anything that you can say, oh yeah, it’s a little different, or is it the same patterns?

Understanding and Overcoming Fear

Donna Tashjian: 5:23

No, not really. A lot is different people or people, and we continue to feel like we’re not good enough. We continue to be afraid of the unknown, which is dreaming, and if you’ve had any kind of disappointment, pain or trauma in your life, then you’re even more skittish about those types of things. And in the last, I don’t know if it’s more prevalent or because of the way that we have things in the media, but there is a lot more exposure of how depressed and sad and afraid people are, and so it is. I’m not I don’t I don’t really have the facts to say whether it has increased or not but there is definitely more awareness because we can know instantly what’s happening around the world, and so there is a lot more on because of social media. See when I started this, what’s this before internet? We’re going back a little ways. This is before that. All of the social media was a thing, and so I know a lot of people have a hard time imagining those days, but there was those days my husband said to our grandson yeah, there was no internet. When I was a mom, bobby didn’t have internet, and you can’t imagine that.

Julie Hilsen: 6:54

That’s like us saying to our great grandparents you didn’t have TV, right? It’s like that transforming, yes, yeah. So so I hear you saying the fears are the same but we just they might be exacerbated, or just more in our face. Because we can, we can just get on and see people’s raw lives immediately. Okay, that’s fair, I can, I can see that, I can see that I was. You know, I, I always say that love and fear can exist in the same energy, and you know, if you’re in a state of fear, you can’t feel love. So that’s why one of the reasons I was really, you know, wanting to have you be on my show is that you know you want to face fear, and to me that’s like knocking down the, the nightmare. It’s knocking down the boogie man, so that you can find your love vibration. And so I wanted to ask you you know what? What are some main signs that you’re in fear? I mean, well, you know you’re. You know you’re in fear when someone’s chasing you or you feel threatened. But are there sneaky fears that you have noticed that people might not even identify as a fear? That just might be something that’s a constant in their life, that they don’t even realize it’s fear. They can’t even label it because it’s so, I want to say they’re immersed in it and a lot of times that’s the hardest thing to see. So I wondered if you could illuminate any of those kinds of fears that you see.

Donna Tashjian: 8:22

Because it’s a pretty big subject is about dissecting if you will fear. But to be simplifying in it all is, there’s two main kinds of fear. There’s the fear that the bear’s chasing you, and then there is fear of just I’ve never done this before, not my life is in danger, but I don’t know what this is going to be like and then, and so both of them cause a stress reaction in your body and your body doesn’t decipher which one you’re facing and we have very few bears chasing us, but we have a high state of I don’t know what’s going to happen and that unknown. And it causes both feelings in our body which then can cause, trigger different responses as well. But people that when you are immersed in, you know, as you said, immersed in fear, when you are afraid of the worst case scenario happening. It’s where we’ve been putting our focus is the simplest way to say it. Whatever you and it’s also learned from trauma I need to watch out for fear. If it’s happened to you before, you’re watching out for it so that it doesn’t happen again, and but we think that will prevent it, like if I watch out, for if you’ve been an abusive relationship, I’ll just watch out and not get in any kind of relationship, but what I stopped doing is getting in relationships all together, which then prevents love, and so it’s this wall that I build to try to keep me safe, but it also keeps out the things that I want in my life. So some ways to begin to shift your attention from what could go wrong is questions like, well, what would I love? What could go right? And learning to be able to focus on the things that you want instead of what you’re afraid you don’t want. For example, instead of I don’t want to get hurt, focus. Instead, I want a healthy relationship. It seems subtle, but it causes different things for your perspective and it causes different reactions in your body as well. I don’t want to fail, but instead that’s fear-based. Instead, I’m going to do everything I can to learn and grow. There’s completely different shift and it causes different results in your life as well. Does that make sense?

Julie Hilsen: 11:11

Overcoming Trauma and Finding Hope

Oh, yes, absolutely. I’m so excited to hear this because it’s an applicable way to bring in quantum physics. And you know, you shift in your thought pattern. You’re going from focusing on what you want instead of focusing on what you don’t. It’s magic, that’s a way to live in magic. This is resonating with me so much. I think the hardest thing is to catch yourself in these. Like you said, if you have trauma, it’s a real feeling and it’s hard to catch yourself and say, well, yeah, but I live through that and this is what I’m showing up for, this is what I’m ready for, because I survived that old thing that happened. And now I’m showing up for the higher possibility, just the idea that if you’re living in this protected, like you said, you put walls up around your heart, then you’re definitely going to have something that’s going to smack into the wall, because you put up a wall and that’s what you put out. There is what you get. This is another example of your expectations, setting you up for exactly what you’re expecting. So, yeah, I love that message and I think you can take it. You can take it as far as your imagination will let you. What you’re talking about is dreaming. Sometimes dreaming is even scary. So what do you do with a client that is like I don’t have a dream, I can’t picture myself there? I know I have a woman I work with and she wanted me to picture this beautiful temple. I was like I don’t feel like I deserve what I’m picturing. It was this opulent thing. And I was like but who am I to have this wonderful opulent thing? Well, we got to dive in there and that was scary and I remember I was like, whoa, this is so much more than what I thought I was getting into. I just was. I felt a block in imagining what I wanted. But your technique and what you’re doing is you’re saying, okay, dream it. But what happens when people are like I can’t? I’m just, is it? They’re too stressed, they’re too overwhelmed? Or what would you suggest to somebody who’s like I’m just too burnout to dream? Because I know there’s some people that feel that way. They’re too stressed, things are too hard.

Donna Tashjian: 13:41

Most of the time, the reason why we have trouble picturing good, something better in our life is it’s easier to expect the bad, because then I’m not disappointed. And that sounds really sad, but it’s very true, I don’t want to be disappointed. And if I put myself out there and then I have to handle disappointment, I I think if handling disappointment is the biggest skill that we need to actually have a vibrant life, because there are times when they’re what we want is delayed, or it doesn’t seem to be happening when we think it should happen, and and we have to handle disappointment. So there is the area of having a dream, but, as I say, I give it to God and have it with open hands on how and when it’s going to arrive. So that’s how I personally. But to answer go back to your question is when someone has trouble dreaming, what do I do? How do I help them? And it’s to me, it’s. Everybody can dream. We were built with an imagination, we were built to be creative with our imagination in the image of God. And when we that, if you would imagine that is a faucet that’s been turned off and it’s rusty and it feels hard to turn that handle, to get that dreaming started because I’ve not done that is I just say well, what’s one thing you would like today? All I like a cup of coffee, or, for me and you, a cup of tea. You know it’s like I would like a cup of tea, yes, or I’d like a new teapot, or I would you would like a new teapot, I hear. So you know, that’s something I. Alright, I want a new teapot. So that’s the simple. Just start with something small. It doesn’t have to be life-changing to begin to turn the faucet on your dreaming. What is it that you would desire? I want a new pair of shoes. I want to go for a walk. I what do you want? And Begin to say what you want and what you desire, and that begins to open up the faucet, if you will, so that it can begin to flow. Some people turn it off again and I have to help them turn it back on again, but it is. That’s the simplest way, is what’s one thing you would like?

Julie Hilsen: 16:24

Hello, what you said about we were here to be creative and through God and and to leave it up to to God for it to transpire, the way for our highest good is like it’s that trust. So yeah, and just those baby steps, those little adjustments, you know, like when they, when they fly a plane from Hawaii to New York City, it’s not, they don’t always stay in the path. There’s little adjustments, the wind comes and you know it’s just making these little corrections and you can get to where you want to go, but it doesn’t have to be this. I think that’s one of the things that we’ve had trouble with is is this we want immediate gratification and sometimes, sometimes we hit bumps and what I hear you saying is the bumps are gonna come. You know we’re not, you’re not doing this so you don’t have bumps. You’re doing this so you can Recalibrate when you hit the bumps. And and trust, and I love it. That’s so beautiful.

Donna Tashjian: 17:27

Everything can work for our good when, for when, you love God and you seek him. Everything can work for good when you’re in. All of it reflects on the attitude that I choose to take in the middle of the difficulties. I If you have listened to my podcast or followed me at my story you know I’ve had them. I’m not talking about this hypothetically and so learning to be able to turn things around so that it can turn out for your good, as I recently had something that happened and I looked at it and went Well, that doesn’t feel good, god. I wonder how we’re gonna turn this for good. And it is. It just it’s just watching it unfold, and I’ve had as many years of experience now that I know it happens. It’s just a matter of time. But it was much harder when I was younger and you don’t have the history of Proof of that for your own life, but I promise you it’s true.

Julie Hilsen: 18:34

I know it’s, it’s hard when you’re, when you’re being tested and when you live and you teach it, and then you, then you’re tested and you know, I know that myself, I, I preach these things too and then I’ll I’ll be in a crisis and I’ll feel depleted and alone. And I’m like, going through all these Things and I’m checking in my body, I’m like, yeah, this is this, is me being tested. So it’s like you can step back and be like, okay, I’m gonna, I’ve made it through this and God doesn’t give me more than I can handle. So I’ll be like, show me, open my hands and say, god, please show me how to handle. I know you didn’t give me more than I can take, and so I’m. So that’s what I do when I’m feeling that overwhelm. But, man, it’s easy, yeah, yeah, it’s easy to fall into a victim.

Finding Hope and Overcoming Challenges

Donna Tashjian: 19:31

Yeah, it’s important to remember that the God says he doesn’t test any man and we’re in a world where circumstances don’t go the way we think they should, or people don’t behave the way we think they should, and Sometimes we get hurt or disappointment, disappointed through it all. But God’s always the answer, not the tester, in all of those kind of things.

Julie Hilsen: 19:58

I’m sending love to anyone who’s feeling tested or or feeling challenged, because you know that’s. It’s an opportunity to rise up, and it doesn’t always feel like an Opportunity. Sometimes it just feels like the world’s coming down on you. So I hold space for that, because it’s a real feeling.

Donna Tashjian: 20:17

Absolutely, absolutely.

Julie Hilsen: 20:25

Well, donna, I want to give you a chance to your. Your offering on your website is a free book.

Donna Tashjian: 20:31

Yes, it is called an umbrella on a sunny day, and the idea of the title came from what we’ve been talking about. It’s sunny outside, but I know it’s gonna rain on me soon. It might just me, maybe, but it will rain on me sooner or later. So I’m gonna bring my umbrella and prepare for the worst, for the rain to happen. It is this book has my story in it, and how we prepare for the other shoe to drop is another way of saying it, so we can put our umbrella away and enjoy the sunshine when it’s out. And it also gives five keys of Overcoming this type of mindset, and it has stories of women who have worked with me and how they have overcome as well.

Julie Hilsen: 21:23

Oh, that’s a perfect segue. Wow, I love that. You know it’s like the empowerment. You know how you’re going to hit a roadblock, but you’re going to have your toolkit to say, okay, I’m prepared, or I can pivot, and that belief that you’re strong and that you’re a divine being and you’re going to create, you’re going to create resource where you think there might not be anything and it could become this gift, right, I mean, I bet you’ve seen it. Do you have a story of a woman who found a gift in something that seemed desperate?

Donna Tashjian: 22:04

One of the things while I’m trying to clarify on the story is I wanted to mention, as you mentioned, that if I receive goodness in the things that I desire, that means somebody else will miss out, and you mentioned that that’s not true, and one of the examples that I use is life is not a pie, and if you and I get a piece, that means somebody doesn’t there is. It is not a pie. There is plenty of goodness. God is good and there is plenty of goodness for each of us, because the plans that he has for us is for good and to prosper. So it isn’t us, it isn’t that somebody’s going to miss out, and that is one of the things that I share is we have you probably have heard of Lake Michigan, the large great lakes that are around, and I’m in Michigan, and so all of the great lakes surround the state of Michigan, so we can go see a lot of water, and if you went to Lake Michigan with a teaspoon and you took a teaspoon of water out, would it make any difference to the water level? Let’s say the ocean? We could do the ocean too. Of course not. So now I’m going to get a bucket. I’m going to get a bucket of water out, is it going to make a difference in the level of the ocean? No, well, now I’m going to get a bathtub and fill a bathtub full of water. Is the ocean near the Lake Michigan go down? No, now I’m going to get a tanker truck and fill it all up. Did it change the ocean? Did it deplete it? No, and the same is true for God’s love and his ability to bring us love. When you seek him, you will find him. And so, learning to be able to move through life’s adversity with that picture, with that image in your mind, it changes the way that you face things that are like, hmm, I didn’t think it would go this way, and major trauma and tragedy which has happened in my life as well. So what do you think of that imagery?

Julie Hilsen: 24:28

I think it’s beautiful and I think it goes both ways. I think it goes to okay, this is a shitty situation. Or wow, this is cool. And I’m just going to absorb it and I’m going to show how happy I am, because I think a lot of people are scared to show when things are really good. They’re scared to be present with the goodness of it, and that’s part of the magnet. The attraction of goodness is just to relish in that and celebrate. There’s so many times we’re like, oh, but I can’t be that happy because it’s going to rub it in. No, there’s abundance. There’s abundance of love and joy also. So, yeah, I mean, we got to ride the waves right, like with the water metaphor is like you’re going to have your highs, you’re going to have your lows, and they’re all there for a reason and, wow, I love that. You’re not going to change the water level on your own. It’s a great metaphor for the abundance around us and the help To accept you’re going to have. People are going to help you, and I know that we’ve had a rough time in our family. We had a tragic death and we have flowers from people who I haven’t heard from in so long and they’re thinking of us and cards, and my neighbor wanted to bring food and usually I’m like, oh, we’re fine. But I was like, yes, thank you, and just seeing the people around you who are here to support you, you don’t have to go it alone. There’s people that are there for you. So just look for it, ask for it, ask for God to show you signs that you’re not alone, because there’s so much abundance around.

Donna Tashjian: 26:26

And if you’re listening to this podcast and you need someone to talk to, you can. On my website you can schedule a free call and if I’m not the right resource to help you, I can point you in the direction. That is so nothing being here listening to this. No need to hope. So there is hope.

Julie Hilsen: 26:47

Oh, donna, that’s lovely. There is hope. Oh, I love that. Well, I will definitely put your website in the show notes and I just adore our conversation. It was real. You know it’s. There’s all sides of love and living a life of love is getting beyond the hard spot. So, you know, having the courage to say I’m struggling and I need help, it’s a big deal. It’s a big deal to open up to that and I appreciate it.

Donna Tashjian: 27:23

My pleasure.

Julie Hilsen: 27:26

Donna, well, well, thank you so much. And was there? Was there a last word that you wanted?

Donna Tashjian: 27:31

to share, and remembering that there is always hope, understanding that hard things happen, but in there is a period of time where it feels dark, but there is always hope. And so, looking for that hope and finding and don’t to go it alone, that would be my closing thought, I think.

Julie Hilsen: 27:55

I Agree that community and and if you’re feeling a lack of community, you know that’s a sign that you need to ask for community and and see how you can show up in your community, because that’s that’s one of the craziest things about the social media craze is that more and more people are feeling alone, even though we’re connected to our devices.

Donna Tashjian: 28:16

So make it a priority.

Julie Hilsen: 28:18

You know, like you, you have control of your surroundings. Do what you can to change and See. You know. I want to say you know. You said wouldn’t it wouldn’t be lovely to have someone to call right now, or wouldn’t it be lovely to have a group of women who meet and support each other on a regular basis and you could have that. That’s not asking for too much, right, but you have to. You have to put it in the field. Instead of I feel isolated, say I, I would really love to have three Friends that we could meet and have a cup of tea. Yeah, I really appreciate your message of hope and Keep on dreaming your vibrant life right.

Audiobook Promo and Request for Reviews

My listeners. I really appreciate your ears and your hearts and I’m really excited to introduce my new website, lifeofloveandjoycom. You are welcome to head over there to make comments about any episodes or give me suggestions for Episodes you recommend. I am here for you and I want you to know that we’re a community and I’m supporting you and holding space for your life Of love. Also so exciting my audiobook is finally out, so you can pick it up on Apple, apple audiobooks or on audible. And what’s pretty cool is Amazon has given me a promo. They’re wanting people to listen to their audible content, so you know it’s just great timing. I guess they gave me a promo code. You can download my book Even if you’ve tried a promo code with them before or you’ve done trial membership. This is available to everyone, regardless. If you’ve done a promo and canceled, you can sign up with the link that I’ll provide in the description. You get my title for free and if you’re a prime member, you get another title for free and access to their whole library. And if you don’t want to use it, you can always always cancel it. So that’s available, and a big thing you can do to help me out is leave a review. Leave a review on my podcast, or leave a review if you liked my book or my audiobook. It’s huge for me, so I really appreciate it and always go out and have a wonderful day and live your life of love.