Julie Hilsen: 0:00

Life of Love, life of Love, life of Love, life of Love With Julie Hilsen. Hello, dear friends, and welcome to another episode of Life of Love, where we focus on living a life of love, joy and magic, and today is no exception. We have a divine soul here. John Jarman is our special guest. He’s an acclaimed author. He has won the literary Titans Gold Book Award for his book Broken and Redeemed through Complete Surrender. So he’s going to share with us his story and how he came about writing this book and coming full circle into surrender and empowering others, coming from being in that place where he was knocked down to empowering other people to live their life of surrender and empowerment. And he’s just a wonderful, wonderful person and I’m just really honored to have him. He’s a veteran of the Desert Storm, he served as a Marine and I’m honored that. And he also went to school in my dear home state of Ohio. And, yeah, he’s a retired PE teacher. I’m assuming it was PE, because you did so much with physical education, is that right?

John Jarman: 1:16

Yeah, it was. I have a master’s in physical education. I was a football coach and athletic director for years.

Julie Hilsen: 1:21

Awesome. So now you’re, you’re helping people with their fitness and golf and you’ve owned a gym before COVID and all the craziness, so it’s amazing how we’ve all pivoted and I just, I just honor your path and thank you for being here, john.

John Jarman: 1:38

Well, thanks, thanks for having me and thanks for that wonderful introduction.

Julie Hilsen: 1:42

So, oh, thanks for everything you’ve you put out into the world, you know, and I’m just so curious, john, can you give us insight as to how your experience led you to your faith? Looking back, what were like, if you could share some critical moments that shook your life and made you come to where you are now, if you could highlight Well?

John Jarman: 2:02

yeah, and I’d say the biggest highlight was when I, when I moved back to Washington in 2007, I just I saw a self destruction behavior start to happen again and I reached out to a counselor and, by the grace of God, I was. I met Christina Holland, who we worked with for probably off and on for 10 years, and so was through her guidance, and then, about halfway through that process, I was able to meet my spiritual mentor, scotty Kessler, and those two were the really factors as to how my faith grew and where I am today, and they’re Christine’s responsible for the book, because she’s the one that planted the seed back in 2014. That said, john, you need to write a book, and you know I started writing it then, but I only got five paid chapters done and I really didn’t know where I wanted to take the book, and so it sat on the shelf until February of 2021. And so and I’ll tell the story of the book and then I’ll get back to your question so, february of 2021, I was in my prayer and reading time in the morning and came across Hebrews 1036, which says when you’re doing the will of God, you must persevere to get what he promised. And then, about an hour later, I was in the gym doing my workout, and when I do my cardio I read other faith based books and I listen to worship music, and so my favorite, one of my favorite authors is AJ Sobota, and I was reading in his very first book and he was talking about doing the will of God, and it said in the book that no one told him if anybody would read his book or buy his book. He just had to write it. And I just looked to the ceiling and I said, ok, I get the message. I need to finish the book, and so I made a commitment to write two hours a day, and the book was done in four weeks.

Julie Hilsen: 3:40

You know, it’s so exciting to hear that because the synchronicities right, and that’s what I’m always telling people, like if you ask what you’re supposed to be doing and then just live your life, do the things you do, and you’ll get affirmation, you’ll get encouragement, you’ll you’ll get.

John Jarman: 4:00

Well, the key on that is then you have to obey. You know, because because when you obey, things happen and doors open, and you know to follow that up. You know, I got signed on with an editor here in Washington and Arlin ended up being a scout for Morgan James Publishing. We submitted my book to them September of twenty twenty one. I was accepted into their family in March of twenty twenty two. I had 500 books sitting in my lap, and so it doesn’t happen that quickly. I don’t think if you, if you know God, wouldn’t have been involved in that. So that’s how the book came out. But to answer the question, you know the Pivotal, Pivotal Times was working with Scotty and working through some of the strongholds that I had for my past and twenty sixteen I was going through a very. My business wasn’t doing good and my brother’s was. My sister-in-law was in the hospital, potentially dying. I’d already lost my two older brothers and then a young lady I’d been dating who was a Christian woman. We ended up breaking off her relationship due to some other circumstances, and so my life is just in a crumble and I just fell down on the floor One morning in November and I just said you know what I’m done, giving you all control. I can’t do it anymore without you. And that was the hard part for me, because I had controlled my life For so long. I didn’t want to give up that control. In my early walk I would you know people would say got it, it’s John, it’s God’s timing. And I’m like no, I want jobs, timing still, and obviously that never worked out for me. And so when I gave up that control, that’s when I started to see things differently. I started to see scripture differently. I had a thirst for the word and so I talked with my, with Scotty, and I enrolled in seminary school to get a masters of theology and I’m about eight hours shy of that, which I’ll be Going back probably later this year to finish. And that’s that’s what enabled me to write the book. I think is the knowledge I acquired through all of that growth with Scotty in the seminary school. And I’m not saying everybody has to go to seminary, but the critical thing in your relationship with God is you have to know God, and the only way to do that is through a daily reading plan, because you have to spend time in the Word and you have to pray, and that’s the old. And then you know, you start to have different views of the scripture, you start to see things differently, and it’s a beautiful thing. You know, if you had told me three years ago I would be preaching the gospel and written the book, I would have laughed at you.

Julie Hilsen: 6:20

Wow, so this hasn’t. This has been a really quite recent oh.

John Jarman: 6:27

Absolutely, yeah. Yeah, the books only been out on on ebooks like Kindle. It’s only been out since a year, in April, and then it’ll be a year this August It’ll be in bookstores. So I’m coming up on the official the official publication date is when it goes into bookstores and that’s August 16th, and so a couple months from now I’ll be celebrating that year anniversary and so, and it’s just been a blessing and and you know, to see what God has done in my life and where he’s placed me on, you know I’ve done probably 45 to 50 podcasts and just you know, talking about my testimony and everything like that. So it’s just been a true blessing.

Julie Hilsen: 7:01

Oh, john, well, thank you for sharing and I’m just. I just feel like I need to fill in some Blanks for myself because I am so curious. I mean, I read in your bio that you didn’t have memory of the first 12 years of your life, and I’m just curious how did you figure that out? Did you try to remember childhood memories? And you’re like I just don’t know, I don’t know when I. You know, I don’t remember playing kickball with my brothers, or I don’t remember learning to ride a bike like Tell me about that.

Overcoming Childhood Trauma, Uncovering Memories

John Jarman: 7:33

Well, I do remember some things, but not everything, and the reason being and I really didn’t Worry about that until I started working with Christine, and then I started to know you know what happened here, what happened there, and so I started to do some investigation. But my childhood was a very violent childhood. My dad was abusive to my mom. Christina thinks that I was a victim. I don’t know. I don’t recall ever being in that situation and it’s probably a good thing. But at age 12 is when everything kind of changed, because that’s when I put on an armor. I don’t know how, but I walked out. My dad was beating up my mom and I walked into the kitchen, grabbed a knife and said if he didn’t stop I would kill him and he left then and it was my mom and my three brothers left to survive and so from that point on I controlled my life and I did whatever I wanted to do kind of thing, and all of us got involved in the party and in the drug scene. And I looked back on my past and I regret some of the things I do, but it was made me who I am and I sold drugs to get money, because when I was growing up, minimum wage was like $1.75 and I was like I can make more money doing this, and so I did that and it was a survival mode Not proud of it looking back, but it is what it is and so I did make amends with my dad. It wasn’t until I was about 24 years old. I came home from overseas duty in Okinawa and I flew to his house and he didn’t know I was coming and when he opened the door I punched him in the mouth and he stood up and said he deserved it and took me downstairs and we talked for hours and he showed me a lot of things that weren’t true and things that were true. And so then I came back and had a heart-to-heart with my mom and that kind of started the resolve of that. But it really wasn’t until I started working with Christine that I realized that I didn’t remember, because I got this really nice photo album from my grandmother and it had childhood pictures and I’m looking at these pictures going. I don’t even remember this and it was just stuff when I was eight, nine, 10, I’d look at it, pictures I go. I have no memory of this, and so that’s how it kind of came about and then, as I started to figure out that I might be a survivor of abuse, I have three scars on my arm from a surgery I had when I was eight months old, and so I was like, what happened? What caused this to happen? And there’s two causes. So I had osteomyelitis. There’s two causes to osteomyelitis One is a severe case of pneumonia, or one is. The other is a compound fracture, and so I’m going okay, did something happen? So I started looking. I was born in Arkansas, so I started looking at the hospitals that were open in 1964, cause I was eight months old and none of the hospitals have a record. One of the hospitals that I called one of their warehouse where they stored microfilm. It caught on fire and they lost half their microfilm, so my record could have been in there, but I have no record of me being in the hospital and I have two major surgeries and three scars on my arm to prove that I was in the hospital and there’s no record anywhere.

Julie Hilsen: 10:42

And your mom since your mom has passed, so you can’t ask her.

John Jarman: 10:46

And when I started this investigation my mom was gone, my dad was gone, my two older brother, my oldest brother was still alive and a couple of my uncles had passed and I asked one of my uncles if he knew about it and he said he didn’t know at that time. And so I found that kind of strange cause, you know, I mean if something that traumatic would happen to my kid, if I had kids, and my family would know about it. And you know he didn’t know about it at that time.

Julie Hilsen: 11:10

You were an infant, I mean you were under a year old, you’re.

John Jarman: 11:13

Yeah, and just a lot of you know and I’m not saying that something bad happened, I just we just don’t know. And so you know. And so I said, all right, I want to try to do some memory recovery. And so Christina and I started that and then we backed off on that because one day we were doing it, we were doing a session, and it was a, you know, bright, sunny day and we had a little demonic spirit show up. And that’s when I started working with Scotty, because when we were doing the session it was a bright, sunny day up here in the Northwest and my recollection of the day was it felt like the room shrank and got really dark and I had 10 fingers on my chest holding me down and I couldn’t get up, I physically could not sit up, and Christina’s memory of it was that the room expanded and then whatever was in the room told her if we kept knowing that it would take her. And so we stopped that research right then and I went back to church and I talked to one of the pastors and they and I told them what happened and they said well, you need to talk to Scotty Kessler, because Scotty works in the deliverance ministry. He also does prayer counseling and stuff and so I started working with Scotty then and that’s what really worked on the freedom of the strongholds and all that stuff.

Julie Hilsen: 12:24

So they’re so much that we’re attached to that. We have no idea.

John Jarman: 12:30

Yep.

Julie Hilsen: 12:31

And I know that I actively ask for any implants. They say I mean I follow this group and they claim that when we reincarnate, that we have these agreements for these implants to be put in us and it’s there’s things that we can’t touch. But you can sense and you can feel and I’ve actively asked you know the violet flame to cleanse and remove any contracts and I love that this is coming up because this has been something that I. It wakes me up at night thinking I should put a contract cancellation, like peace, on my website because people don’t understand the forces that come in that we can’t see. that can you know, and since we agreed to it On some level when we incarnated, these power structures feel like they own us, and it’s victory of the light.

John Jarman: 13:36

Well, and I tell other believers when I’m talking to them, you know, if you believe in Jesus Christ, you have to believe in the demonic side of that, because you know, I mean, he casted out demons himself, and so you know they’re real. The spiritual warfare is real and it’s. You know, it’s a battle that we face and, again, the only way to truly combat that battle is knowing the word and being able to combat it with the sword of truth. And that’s the word of, that’s the gospel I love that has Archangel Michael.

Julie Hilsen: 14:04

has he been a part of this?

John Jarman: 14:06

Because he’s the warrior angel and you know I you know not personally, you know, I just you know I didn’t feel presence of anything like that, you know. But you know my archaic, my angel, is Scotty Kessler and you know Scotty’s worked with a lot of young men and discipleship and everything like that. So it’s been a blessing, it was a blessing to work underneath him and, and you know, just to learn from him and that’s who I learned obedience from, because you know we were working together and one day he called me up and goes, john, I’m moving to Nebraska and I’m like what he goes. The Holy Spirit told me I need to be in Nebraska and he just packed up his house and his family and off he went and I was just like, okay, that’s true obedience right there and you know. So you know I try to model that after him and he was a great role model for me. We still take, we stay in touch and you know, and it’s been a blessing.

Julie Hilsen: 14:58

So I love that, I love that and you know it’s. It’s what blows my mind is that if you, you know, there’s people who follow a strong religious path and then there’s people that follow more like spiritual, and it’s interesting when the, the worlds, the intertwine, and the, the, the testimonies, match up and it’s all about love and light and and casting out that just that doesn’t serve love, that doesn’t serve your life, that doesn’t serve God, the highest good.

John Jarman: 15:36

Well, I mean, the greatest commission Jesus gave us, it’s to love our neighbor as our self. So he told us to love and then go make disciples of all nations. So you know, and that’s kind of what I’m doing with the book, because it’s creating a discipleship ministry for me and sharing my testimony to help other people who have been down somewhere past or past close to mine, and how it gives them hope. I hope that you know that they receive hope from the book because they know that you know if I made it out, they can make it out too.

Julie Hilsen: 16:05

And then did your experience in Desert Storm? Has this added to your? You know the depth of your commitment to your service. I mean, what were your experiences there?

Self-Examination and Finding Forgiveness

John Jarman: 16:16

Well, I mean you know, being a Marine, you know the Marine Corps saved my life because it got me out of the drug world, because if I had stayed where I was I’d probably be dead or in jail, and so that was my rescue path out of that. And you know I chose the Marines because at the time, you know, I felt they were the best in the you know fighting and all that, and plus they have the best uniforms in my opinion. And so you know, and just you know, serving four and a half years and serving my country, you know that that was a true honor and that led to, you know, having a better discipline, you know, led to leadership, because I became a football coach, you know I wanted to be a coach to help kids not go down the same path. I went down and, you know, even as I wasn’t, even as my faith was growing during all that time, you know I still made mistakes and still, you know, had hurt some people along the way. And you know I look back on it now and the cell. I call it the self-examination of Christianity. When you reach a certain point of that surrender, you have to look at yourself and search yourself and find out who you hurt and what you did that wasn’t right and seek forgiveness. And that’s part of your walk in faith. And that was the toughest part. It’s tough to do because you have to humble yourself and you have to be vulnerable, right, right, and that’s, that’s the really, and that’s so tough for men, the men, the men in your audience. That I would say to them is you know, lay down your pride, don’t be afraid to ask for help and, you know, then become humble and vulnerable, because that’s the only way to true freedom.

Julie Hilsen: 17:40

So that’s, that’s what I was going to touch on. Was that freedom? And then I also wanted to mention you had a quote. It’s from your book and, with your permission, I’d love to read it.

John Jarman: 17:54

Yeah, sure.

Julie Hilsen: 17:57

We only have two choices when we doubt. One is to go deeper or we walk away.

John Jarman: 18:04

Yep.

Julie Hilsen: 18:05

And that that to me is, it’s a choice point right, and once you make that decision, you’re all in. You’re not just going with the flow, you’re like, no, I hit it down.

John Jarman: 18:19

You gotta jump off the cliff head first and land in the ocean.

Julie Hilsen: 18:25

Or walk away. Don’t be in the middle. Commit and walk your path and that was really powerful. And I read that I was like damn that’s awesome.

John Jarman: 18:35

Well, and that’s one of the things I tell people when they’re going through hard times, and I know that you just lost your father a lot correct. And what I tell people in times like that is I said lean into Jesus, don’t be afraid to lean in. And when I say lean in, lean in hard and that’s one of the pieces of advice I give people when they’re grieving is they have to lean in. And that’s what I did and it was the best thing I ever did. And my favorite, aj Swaboda, who I talked about earlier. One of my favorite quotes from his book is God created us without our permission. He will not save us without our consent. We must want to be saved.

Julie Hilsen: 19:13

Have to ask.

John Jarman: 19:14

And so that’s where-.

Julie Hilsen: 19:15

You have to ask.

John Jarman: 19:16

Yep, yep, and you have to give him consent, because it’s the way he designed it, and once you do, though, your life changes.

Julie Hilsen: 19:26

Because then anything else that’s trying to maintain a stronghold like we were talking before, they can’t, there’s no counter move for God and love. That’s the higher vibration. So if you feel like you’re affected, if you feel like you have a program running and you’re not in control, or you’re, you know that loss of memory I mean that kind of thing. It happens and you know.

John Jarman: 19:54

Yeah, well, I just came to a point where I didn’t. I said you know, I don’t want to know anymore, and Christina told me she goes, john, if you find out you might have to spend 15 more years in counseling, you know. So I was like you know, I don’t want to know, and if God wants to reveal it, he’d reveal it. And you know it’s there, it’s protecting me and so I just move ahead. And you know there was. It took a little bit of time to let go of that because I really wanted to know, but once I let go it’s been a lot easier.

Julie Hilsen: 20:22

Again, it comes back to that surrender. And you know and trusting that what you need to know will come when you’re ready for it. Right and it might be just something that’ll just come through when you know at the timing. Oh wow. So the and I, I got the sense that you wouldn’t have had the courage to go punch your dad in the face if you hadn’t been a Marine and served and had that pride. Yeah.

John Jarman: 20:52

I don’t know. I just you know that’s something like I said. I grew up in a violent home, that’s all I knew how to. That’s how I knew how to resolve conflict for a while. And you know I had a pretty quick temper and that cost me my eighth grade year. I had to repeat eighth grade because of my temper, and so you know, I think I probably still would have done that. I don’t think I would have done it now because of my faith and where I’m at, because I’m a different person than I was then. But it served its purpose. And you know, my dad used to call me every Sunday after that and we’d have a conversation every Sunday morning. And you know, and when, when he passed away and that first Sunday came in, the phone didn’t ring. That was. That was tough. You know I was like, wow, this. I almost called this phone number just so I could hear his voice. You know so, but that was a tough time.

Julie Hilsen: 21:37

Oh, I know, and, but that’s.

John Jarman: 21:40

And I’m glad that we made amends and I’m glad that we had a relationship as adults.

Julie Hilsen: 21:44

Right and that took. It took a lot to face to face that he was sort of a demon of your childhood, but you wanted some resolution.

John Jarman: 21:54

And he realized his mistakes. And I mean he raised his. My stepmother and him were together longer than my mother and I. He never abused her and you know he realized his mistakes and her daughter, one of her daughters she had three daughters and one of her daughters was a drug addict and used heroin and she died on the delivery table. And so Millie and my dad raised that child and you know, when I watched my dad with that child it was like he was trying to make amends for what he, the mistakes he made. And that’s the way I looked at it, because he was super good. I didn’t get jealous because you know, I didn’t go. I wish I would have had that. I had to look at it as my dad saw what he did wrong and he’s trying to fix it.

Julie Hilsen: 22:32

And that’s you know what. That’s what’s. We’re all here for that. We’re all here. We’re gonna mess up. And you know it’s like it’s the how you, how you pick up the pieces, how you. You know you have free will. You know you made a bad choice, but you self you had a, you examined yourself, you made amends and you’re you know it’s. It takes courage, you know, because you also have the choice to pretend like nothing happened or you didn’t contribute to it. So exactly, and I can see why your book would be very relatable. Because, you know, nobody’s a saint, Nobody no, no, no, no, that is guaranteed.

John Jarman: 23:15

We are all flawed in some way or another. So but the you know, the good thing is is when you develop a faith, that you start to see those flaws better. And you know, I tell people that I work with, as you know, you’re still gonna sin, but you’re gonna sin less because you start to Figure out the triggers and you start to figure out the thoughts that cause those things, and then you can escape them. And that’s the difference when you, when you have a deeper walk and when you’ve been through the self-examination and all that stuff and the surrender, and you know again, it goes back to and I can’t say it enough it’s the humility and vulnerability that you have to have. So Christine worked on that. She wanted me to become more vulnerable and when I got the first review of my book manuscript, one of the editors said that she was very happy to see a male author with this vulnerability. And I sent her that quote and I said you got what you wanted. So and she smiled. So, but but she’s the real reason, the books here. So, because she told me I should write it. So and I think part of it was the healing process because you know, after writing it and looking back through it, it helped me heal a little bit further. And you know it was. And it’s just amazing because you know, like I said earlier, that the book was done in four weeks because it Was just a dump. And and my, my editor, when I first met her, she said who was your target audience? And I’m like, I didn’t write with anybody in mind, I just wrote, and so I said anyone? And she goes, you can’t say that. And then she did, she did her review of the book and she said John, I don’t usually say this, but your book is for any oh, wow, and you’re.

Julie Hilsen: 24:49

So it’s. You’re offering a special Discount for my audience, right?

John Jarman: 24:56

Yeah, yeah, if they, if they use the, if they go to my website, the books available anywhere. Books are sold, but if you want a signed copy, if they visit my website broken, redeem, calm put in the code Titus 3, 3 through 7, it’ll give them a discount. I’ll sign the book and send it out to it.

Julie Hilsen: 25:10

That’s so lovely, that’s awesome. Yeah, and then they could see everything that you’re working on and, yeah, that’s a blessing.

John Jarman: 25:20

Yep book two is already in the in the works.

Julie Hilsen: 25:22

It’s about three chapters in, so I’m working on that and, like you said you, if someone told you three years ago You’d be writing a book, you’d be like what do you talk about?

John Jarman: 25:32

Well, you know, I mean it’s. You know I didn’t really care about high school and when I was going to school and and I didn’t pay attention too much in classes and I got D’s in English and I have dyslexia and and you know I’m a Marine and a football coach. I’m not a writer, and I told that to our Lynn, my editor. She goes John, you’re an author, I’ll make you a writer. And she did that exactly. It was. It was a nice touch and you know working with her and so and I’ll work with her when I get ready with this second Manuscript as well.

Julie Hilsen: 26:03

So that’s awesome. Well, I’m just so, I’m so honored to have you share your story on on my podcast and With the audience, and I know that your book is gonna help a lot of people find their life of love and and just share, share a path, because it’s all to me. We have to have things to soothe ourselves and, like you, you go to scripture and you know, and to you, the Bible and God and and that’s it’s a solid path. You know that’s, that’s tried and true, and so it’s a great. It’s a great thing to share because we haven’t really talked about the Bible too much. It comes up but as far as like specific scriptures, and so I’m really glad to give this, this insight, because there’s there’s just so much, so many clues.

John Jarman: 26:56

Well, and I’ll share a little story with you. God has a really good sense of humor, because when I started work with Scotty, I didn’t really like the Old Testament. I called it the dark side of the Bible. And so when I started seminary school, my very first class was Old Testament review. And when I got that, when I found that out, I just went, I looked up and I said, okay, you got a sense, you’re gonna put me in a class where I can learn, you know. And so it was. And then I was a Marine for four and a half years and never got a tattoo. And my first tattoo is is the Bible verse from Exodus. It’s Exodus 2020 and it says Do not be afraid. God has come to test you so that the fear of God will be in you to keep you from sinning. And it’s Exodus 2020 and when I read that one morning it just kind of stuck with me and I was like 20, you know, and I was like, okay, the clear vision when you go to an eye doctor’s 2020. So this is the first Bible verse with that 2020. There’s 17 others in the Bible. Four of them are in the New Testament, the rest are in the Old Testament out of the 1710, I’d give instructions on what we’re, how to, where to live and act as Christians, and then the other seven are just part of stories. So I did this, a huge study on the verses of 2020, and then I put that tattoo on my arm just for me, because of what it meant to me. But it’s a great starter, because now, when I shake hands with people, they see the tattoo and they ask about it, and so it gives me an immediate opening to to share my testimony and and to, you know, present the gospel to them if they’re not a believer.

A Journey of Faith and Healing

Julie Hilsen: 28:24

So that’s definitely sparking and I love numbers and numerology and you know, love your neighbor as yourself. That’s really great, because it tells you that you’re loving yourself is really important too.

John Jarman: 28:39

Well, and you have. You have to love yourself before you can love others. And there were a lot of times and I shared this before another Podcast when I looked in the mirror in my previous lot, you know, before my faith got this drunk, I’d look at myself in the mirror and I didn’t like who I saw. And so you know, now you know I can look at myself in the mirror and I love the man I’ve become and my heart’s different and I see the world differently because I see the world through God’s eyes and you know I look at people differently and it’s just been a blessing.

Julie Hilsen: 29:11

And what I’m hearing is that you used, to soften your heart little by little. Well, the Holy Spirit did that the Holy Spirit softened your heart.

John Jarman: 29:21

Yep, yep, yep, and that’s announced. And I have no problem saying that because I had a heart of stone and now I have a heart of love. So, and the only way that happened was through my growth and faith and my work with Scotty and you know, keeping my daily prayer and reading time and everything like that, wow.

Julie Hilsen: 29:42

So I mean I just want to dig into that just a little bit.

John Jarman: 29:46

Yep.

Julie Hilsen: 29:47

Because it’s really scary when you, when you put these protective chains around your heart and you put iron and I even remember my mom she get like I get my heart broken by boyfriends in high school or whatever, like stupid stuff. And she’s like, well, you know, don’t let them put strings on your heart. And to me I was like, oh, I need to be, I need to be less vulnerable. And you know I’ve, and nothing against my mother, she’s a wise, wonderful person. But these, this advice that we give our kids to keep them safe, right like I mean those dumbasses that broke my heart that they shouldn’t have the privilege of making my heart harder, right like right and so it’s just like this unlearning of things that you’ve you’ve used to cope or to make life less scary right, oh, absolutely, but once you face, like your quote about the doubt. Once you face the doubt, am I lovable and then you’re like well, I am lovable and I’m gonna, I’m gonna show up in my best self, because that’s what I’m here to do and in my place, small, I’m not being true to myself.

John Jarman: 31:03

So you just bear your soul, like, soften your heart Right and and and what I would say is you know, if you have listeners that are, that are survivors of trauma because that’s the way I like to put it rather than the victim, you know they. You know, when you’re a survivor, a lot of times you’ve, you place a lot of guilt because you think you caused it, and that’s not the right way to do it because you, you had nothing to do with it. You, you know you were, you were a victim at that time, but you’ve survived it. But you have to work through that and overcome that and it takes a lot of work, and you know, if you’re in a situation, you know reach out, get a counselor, get somebody’s. You know it doesn’t have to be spiritual, it can just be a mental health professional but you know you, you’re not going to be able to fix it by yourself. You’re going to need help.

Julie Hilsen: 31:49

Right, there’s. Some things are so plain to the person sitting next to you that you have lived with, you’re so unconscious about because they’re just part of like it’s part, like a fish being in a fishbowl.

John Jarman: 32:01

You don’t know you’re in a fishbowl when you’re a fish, but someone standing next to you and I grew up I grew up, I didn’t let my friends in you know, I kept them at a certain distance because you know I would. I was afraid that if they knew what I was going through, that you know, they would leave me as a friend, and that was stupid. But that’s the way I felt, you know. And I told my brother when his wife was passing away. I said you know, Jason, love hurts no matter what because whoever you love is going to leave you eventually, because they might die before you and so they’re gone, or they might walk out the door. And so love, the love has a price, and love’s going to hurt, and you have to be willing to pay that price and accept that pain, because some, you know, it could happen. The only way it doesn’t hurt is if you die first, and then your loved ones, they’re the ones that are going to have the pain, and so love has a cost and we just have to realize that and not be afraid of it.

Julie Hilsen: 32:54

So, and open up your heart and I started saying how privileged I was to feel something strong yeah, what a gift. It was to have that, and you don’t own anything. Nothing, nothing’s owned. We’re just. We’re just experiencing it, and you can choose to experience it fully, or you can hide in the shadows, and you know. So it’s, it’s your choice, and I say this till I die every day’s a chance to live the life of your dreams, so absolutely absolutely well, this has been a delight and a pleasure and I just thank you so much for being a guest and I’m going to share your website on the show notes and the discount code for the for the autograph copy, because that’s really great, and I wish you all the best and thank you for being on life of love well, I appreciate you having me on and again I just I’m honored to be a guest and you know, keep up the good work with this podcast and keep touching lives and and changing lives. Yes, I feel like we’re we’re sovereign partners in this, and I’m going to be better. I have a Bible next to my chair in my room and I look at it, but I don’t open it all that much.

John Jarman: 34:11

It’s gotta be an everyday thing. So, starting the book of Romans okay, I will.

Julie Hilsen: 34:18

How much?

John Jarman: 34:18

you know that’s a good book to start with, so alright.

Julie Hilsen: 34:22

Well, thanks again, John. All the best you’re very welcome

Exciting Audiobook Release and Promo

and thank you, my listeners. I appreciate your ears and your hearts and I’m excited to introduce my new website, lifeofloveandjoycom. You are welcome to head over there to make comments about any episodes or give me suggestions for episodes you recommend. I am here for you and I want you to know that we’re a community and I’m supporting you and holding space for your life of love. Also so exciting my audio book is finally out, so you can pick it up on Apple, apple audiobooks, or audible. And what’s pretty cool is Amazon has given me a promo. They want people to listen to their audible content, so you know it’s just great timing. I guess they gave me a promo code. You can download my book even if you’ve tried a promo code with them before or you’ve done a trial membership. This is available to everyone, regardless. If you’ve done a promo and canceled, you can sign up with the link that I’ll provide in the description. You get my title for free and if you’re a prime member, you get another title for free and access to their whole library. And if you don’t want to use it, you can always always cancel it. So that’s available, and a big thing you can do to help me out is leave a review. Leave a review on my podcast, or leave a review if you liked my book or my audiobook. It’s huge for me, so I really appreciate it always go out and have a wonderful day, and live your life of love.