Julie Hilsen: 0:04

Life of Love. Life of Love With Julie Hilsen. Hello, dear friends, and welcome to another episode of Life of Love. We’re here with an amazing guest, Daniel MacQueen. He is a survivor of traumatic brain injury in the form of hemorrhages and hydrocephalus. He’s so much more than his medical diagnosis. I think everyone’s going to love his message. So please stick around. He has an offering and a call to action which is powerful. I just don’t want you to miss any part of his story. So get comfortable and be prepared to be inspired by curiosity and just the spirit of fighting back, because Daniel’s the kind of guy that someone tells him he can’t do something. He’s going to prove them wrong, and he’s done it over and over again. So I’m just so delighted to share his amazing stories of not just one comeback, but two. It’s just when I hear his story, I think of Rocky Balboa fighting. He gets knocked down and his trainer’s over there slicing his eye open so he can see. And Daniel just comes back and has a good round and then gets knocked down again. Just like Rocky, he’s a true fighter and these stories of inspiration and courage are what are needed in this time of such uncertainty. It’s so easy to become scared or a victim. So I’m really really honored to present Daniel’s story. Daniel, thank you for being on Life of Love and thanks for being a friend to share.

Daniel MacQueen: 1:48

Julie, thank you so much for having me. It’s a pleasure to be here.

Julie Hilsen: 1:52

Well, again, so happy that you’re here and sharing your time. You’re up in Canada and it’s just a wonderful connection to be here with you. Can you share your story and I know it’s a long story, but I just want you to give your perspective of where you were before your first incident with a brain injury, and I don’t want to focus on your deficits, but I do want people to understand what you had and what you lost, so that we can go from there?

Daniel MacQueen: 2:24

Yeah for sure, julie, thank you. So my story takes place in started off in London, england. I was living there after a master’s in Sweden, working in tech for a company called Hootsuite. I started having these headaches that were getting persistently worse over a few weeks I went to A&E, which is accident and emergency in the UK, so like ER I guess in the States or something like that, I would gather. They ran some tests. I thought it was vertigo. They sent me home. I was in the tube getting some of my friend in Nodden Hill. My vision blacked out. I couldn’t see for a few minutes and maybe we were on the platform and waited a few minutes. The vision came back. I went back to A&E the next day and they get around the same test. It’s like the social vertigo will send you home. But they told me on the way out they said to continue, you could always get your eyes checked in an optometrist right the eyes for an extension of the brain, cool. Next day the headaches were ferocious, like next level, painful Like I’m talking, like I’m taking pain killers, like multiple pain killers an hour to try to stem the pain. I find my way. Mr Patel’s chair is midway through the exam. When he stops the exam, he excuses himself from the room and he comes back with a sealed envelope. He goes. You need to go directly to Moorfield’s hospital, which I did. Well, julie Tell-A-Lie. I stopped at home first to grab a Jack Reacher book by Lee Child I forget I’d be in for a real wait and once I’ve been to Reed, grabbed a phone charger in my teeth and then made my way to Moorfield’s hospital. They ran the same test there that escalated me up to chair and cross hospital. It turns out Juliette had dangerous buildup of pressure on my brain caused from a non-cancerous cyst in my panenok gland Turns out her heart. Emergency brain surgery tomorrow, turns out my rules were to change altogether. So in June 21st 2014, I was on the operating table. I was in the air flying to London when something went horribly wrong. I had a massive bleed in the brain and brain hemorrhage. The thing to assist burst when they operated when one lands in fine-zibing critical condition. I was in a coma for weeks. I was in not a consciousness. For months after this, things were dicey touch and go. When I was in a coma, I had to keep my core temperature down below 40 degrees, otherwise there’d be brain damage. The part of your brain that regulates all that stuff was broken in the brain hemorrhage so they used ice blankets above and below me to keep my core temperature down. This was a violent shivering. My family says it was horrible to watch. Alarms constantly went off as blood pressure spiked and her heart rate too high. It was a rollercoaster. My parents were told that he may not make this but eventually it quieted down and I woke up from the coma and I began the process of rehab, which took five, six months to build myself back up, slowly build myself back up but yeah, it kind of dropped off. Within 12 hours I was a healthy, active guy living in London to being in a coma at Charing Cross Hospital clinging to life, and it went pretty sideways for my family pretty quickly.

Julie Hilsen: 5:43

Wow, and here your parents were in Canada so they came over to the UK to be with you.

Daniel MacQueen: 5:51

Yeah, so we exchanged a quick volley of text messages for the brain surgery and I dropped the message. The last message from my mom before I went to emergency brain surgery was I’ll see you soon. Mom, think I’ll have a new haircut next time. I see you Like and that seems like I’m cool, blasable, this man. I was terrified. I was terrified that I was gonna die. I don’t want my last message to be of a whimpering punk. Let’s make it a bit a bit out there, a bit cheeky, a bit fun. But I was terrified. I wasn’t sure I’d make it through this and like I barely made it through this session right, it was very, very narrow point and very difficult to make it through this gap. Mom came over to London to be there when I woke up and she arrived to find me in a coma clinging to life. So she landed in a world of hurt, being told you know he may not make it through this point. This is pretty difficult right now. You know my dad came on as well and it was. It was touching. Go for a few weeks there, or I wasn’t sure if you’re making out of the space and if it made out of the space what Stayed at being after a brain injury. You’re not sure what the quality life’s gonna be, but you know I managed to make it through that difficult, acute angle and managed to make it through there and build myself back up, which is a slow, grueling, arduous process, but something I’m Was very steadfast and building myself up with and and Climbing. That amount of them makes sense right, but it’s.

Julie Hilsen: 7:28

I never realized they needed to keep the core temperature low. And Just the idea that you’re watching your son Shivering and, you know, relying on this beep beep of the monitors to to Reassure you that his heart still pumping, that he’s still breathe, getting oxygen, you know it’s like wow. And then you said that the cyst burst that during the surgery. So did they have to go back in and try to resolve it, or they just sort of let it resolve on its own, because At that point it was pervasive through your brain. I’m trying to get an idea.

Daniel MacQueen: 8:07

Well, they went to remove the cyst at burst and that caused the hemorrhage. So they didn’t I guess like scattered Debris and particles everywhere, like I think it’s just kind of it’s resolved now, but it was like it wasn’t a clean exit point. Had that gone smoothly, this might not have ever happened. I might have been a smooth entry, exit, may have been no issue at all. But like this Spiraled hard and like when I was in a coma that had to keep my Quarter John, the other to feed me with a breathing to or the feeding tube right, and I ripped this feeding tube out because I didn’t like the feel of it and I’d rip it out and Rip it out again and again. Every time I would they put it back in the depth, actually made me sure it was in my stomach, on my lungs, and they put mitts around my hand because I have ripping it out. But I kind of worked these, these mittens, for like days. I’d work these mittens and then rip out the feeding tube and they’d have to put it back down again. They probably hated me in the bloody ICU, but I just hated the feeling of the feeding tube, my nose or just, and it’s like glucose stuff they’re feeding you. It was I don’t many members of the stage, but like I remember being woken up Out of the comb, my mom, dad and brother around the bed and I’m trying to talk what I can’t talk because the tracheotomy is removed in my breathing or my vocal cords were a bit tidied up, couldn’t speak. Give me a pen and paper and that point I’m really you Right on the pen and paper. Get me out of here and I show it to him. He goes what do you want me to do, bud, like you got tubes in, not your body, your one-eyes wonky as hell. You can’t walk, you can’t talk, like you’re in here for a while. But I Initially reaction was like this looks bad, this is expensive. I’m not sure this is covered. I was a, a European citizen living in the UK or can any limited UK. It’s like I was covered by the medical space. It was lucky because this would have cost a fortune had it not been. But like it was a, this went sideways real quick and no one was prepared for what happened and how long it would take to build back up.

Julie Hilsen: 10:21

Okay, imagine and I can tell you’re a very practical person if you take that perspective or that came to your, your mind, when you woke up from the coma, and I Mean it’s interesting that you remember, you know your who was there and what your first instinct was you needed to communicate, you needed, you needed to get some resources, you need to get out of there.

Daniel MacQueen: 10:44

Yeah, I mean, I don’t know what I was thinking, that that’s safe to be be honest with. Like, I don’t want to be here, let’s get out here. This is not cool, and I was in the hospital for months of this. Ready was not the casual visitor in the hospital. I was a. I was an OG, a member of the chair and cross-hop will team. I’ll tell you that much. I was there for a while.

Julie Hilsen: 11:05

Yeah, you were. I’m so glad you pulled through that because it sounded like a real battle, do you? I’m just curious, do you have any? I Know that you were put under. It was a planned procedure. So many times people don’t have any like dreams or any kind of visitations or anything, but you know your. Your tumor was right there in the pineal gland. People tend to associate spirituality with a pineal gland.

Daniel MacQueen: 11:37

I had one dream that I recall from the coma. That was quite odd. I was in a submarine Deep underwater and there was an aquarium on the submarine and I couldn’t figure out why the hell there was an aquarium On the submarine, were already underwater. So I don’t know what that means or what the meaning behind that may be, but it was quite odd and I was like this is ridiculous. Why would you spend money on the phone?

Julie Hilsen: 12:06

You can just look out the window.

Daniel MacQueen: 12:08

On a aquarium, on a submarine. We’re under water already bud, but my mind was going a million miles a minute and it was just scattered and this was grindy, difficult, the darkest of the dark and it was just horrible. But waking up and being told what happened to you, like hey dad, you had a brain injury. Like you’re in a coma, you can’t talk or walk right now, but you’re alive and you faculty are still there, you can still think and your brain still functions. Like they told my parents, look what’s the prognosis for him when he makes it out, this is what’s his situation to me, because the brain injury, I was worried like well, it’s probably going to be significant damage. And like, don’t get me wrong, there’s still some overlaying stuff that I’m still working through here, right, but like it’s the doctor, mr Mendoza, goes, you know you can make a full recovery. Or like pretty close to a full recovery. And my parents like well, that’s phenomenal, because right now he’s like he’s not sure you’re going to make it out as alive. And he was always believed that I can make a full recovery. And like it was don’t get me wrong, it was not without work and not without trials and tribulations, but like I’m. I’d say 75% now to where I was before battery functionality, cognitive abilities. Like I say, 75% is where I’m at now. I’m like that’s maybe more than that, but like battery is 75% and that’s helpful for me to understand, because I got to be more mindful of like not running myself ragged and being mindful of like keeping myself above that battery line, cause when it gets below 50, I’m less pleasant, below 30, I’m a bit of a prick. I got to take a nap or take a meditation and recharge my battery and that’s like self-awareness that I’ve kind of built up in this, but like that’s jumping ahead a bit farther.

Julie Hilsen: 13:59

So let’s go back a bit, yeah sure I mean, that’s what I was going to ask you about was you know you had the full support of a rehab team and you needed to regain speech. You’re fine and gross motor. You had to learn how to walk again and then you had to adjust your mindset right Because you had gone from a tech, you know, pretty sharp tech mind. You know traveling across your to a new country, you had to have a lot of skills that were, you know, very admired for them to to relocate you and to be that sharp and IT is, is a quick moving thing. So you know when. When do you think the mindset kicked in with as far as the rehab process? And and did your therapist, did they focus on that at all? Or is it something you you realized you were beating yourself up a little too much?

Daniel MacQueen: 14:51

No, like the QE nurse who got me talking again. She talked to my parents for a while. She kind of understood who I was as a person and she took a stab and I’m forever grateful for this because you take a stab, give me a talk and shoot me out of the park. She sat in front of these kids playing football, like soccer, across the park, right, and she goes damn, those kids across the park. Do you see them over there? I’m like, yeah, she goes those kids across the park. They don’t think you’re good enough to talk, then they don’t think you’re good enough to talk. And I that struck a chord. I realized it’s kind of a trigger for me and I yelled some things. I’ll spare you and your listeners, but I found my voice and I managed to get myself talking again because I was told I couldn’t listen, didn’t have to do it. How dare you talk to me this way? Who do you think you’re talking to? Wasn’t that clear and precise? But like vocalizing came out of me and I could speak and I got back to talking again and she was convinced I’d be able to speak again because she knew what triggered me and that motivation was so key that I understood that, like being told I can’t do something. Okay, watch me Like that’s a trigger for me and I’ve rolled that wave of motivation to give me back to walking, talking, smiling, work my job initially. Like I went back to work, fast forward a little bit here. But like you want to go back to your old job, dan Cause I just moved into an implementation specialist. Implementation was a much more fun job, like a really prestigious, sexy job in the company. I really love the job. No, I’m an implementation specialist. I’m doing this because I’ve built myself to this capacity. I can go back to this job. I’m not going back to support Plus support wonderful stuff but like I wasn’t a support, I was an implementation. I was told I could do that. So like I’m going to make this work. So motivation was a big part of this vibe and like knowing, like getting her belief in myself that I can do this has been so key for this process and I’ve been steadfast with that. I’ve always known that I could do this and I’ve always known that I’m good enough to be here. And let me prove you wrong I can. I can do this, I can do this. And that’s been a huge part of my vibe is understanding what motivation comes from and I always say, like don’t judge the motivation, ride the wave that comes, don’t wait for it to be some holistic, like pleasant motivation, like it’s like I’m going to prove you wrong, then ride that wave, because you can’t command the waves to come around. The waves come when they come. And like you got to ride the wave that comes, and it may not be a holistic, like surface wave, and maybe like let me prove you wrong, I’m better than you. I think I am kind of vibing Like you got to ride that wave Right, that friction.

Julie Hilsen: 17:26

If you feel friction, you can use that. It doesn’t always have to be a walk in the park. Sometimes it’s a rough hell. I’m not happy here. What am I going to do? Like, I think that’s a. It’s a common belief that, oh, you’re going to, you’re going to have a better mindset and it’s going to come from a place of peace and joy and love, and sometimes it comes from a place of frustration, anxiety and, and, just you know, rubbing your chin against the wall. Right, and I did want that’s a great segue into your. We talked in the pre-interview about acceptance and that’s the only way to ride a wave is to accept that you’re in the ocean and the waves are coming Right. So would you want to expand on that?

Daniel MacQueen: 18:09

Yeah for sure. Thank you, Julie. So quickly it became apparent in the hospital, like my friend Mule Show has told me, it was so pleasant to come visit you in the hospital down because you’re also upbeat and positive about this and like you were never down negative. And I realized early on, like look, this didn’t kill you, the bridge, you didn’t kill you, right, you’re in this position now like you’ve got, you’re learning how to walk, talk and smile again, like you’ve had a bridge, or like you’re off work or you’re, you’re, you’re in this like spiral of like stuff. But don’t go down the pity spiral I call it. Don’t be woes me, woes me, cause it’s not fair. This happened to you, right, it’s not fair. This happened to you. You’ve got to pull yourself up by your loose straps. Now I had a lot of help, julie, I had a ton of help and like maybe they don’t have that help. But I realized quickly it was. It was like me, me versus me, almost more than anything else. Like I’ve got to build myself back up slowly, but, julie, and by accepting, it’s how you do that. So you can’t wish it didn’t happen. Wishing it didn’t happen is not an act to resolve it, but by wishing it didn’t happen, it’s not taking steps forward, but by accepting it you can take steps forward. So by accepting this happened, like that’s not saying like I’m going to give up to the same, like, look, this happened, it wasn’t fair, but I guess what had happened. And there’s a question you got asked of that. I was asked and what do you expect to have happened? Well, this doesn’t happen to this person. Okay, cool, and you run out of and pretty quickly, and you realize that, like, the way you get out of this is you’ve got to go through it. And by accepting that it happened, you realize you can make gains to take steps forward. Because if you wish it didn’t happen, six months down the road you’re still wishing it didn’t happen. But if I accept it today, six months on the road, I can be six months ahead. So acceptance was so key for this and like I think that’s been an actual name of the game Like and that’s tough to hear from people that have gone through difficult stuff to accept it because you don’t know what it’s like to be this way. It’s like, yeah, I don’t know what it’s like to do with that, but I can tell you, by accepting it, you can take steps forward, you can progress yourself forward, which is so key for this, because if you don’t accept it like, you can’t move forward, you can’t leave it behind, you can’t let go of it. Thank you for coming, professor Vega.

Julie Hilsen: 20:18

Right, because it’s always whispering in your shoulder, it’s always holding you down. Because you haven’t faced it, you haven’t come to peace with it.

Daniel MacQueen: 20:30

Yeah, it’s just like they say. The odds of being a human being are 400 trillion to one right 400 trillion to one to have a life in the first place. We’re all giving a hand to cards. This card is in my hand. There’s nothing I could have done to mitigate this. This was a genetic thing that was in there just like a little time bomb and it went off and shit went sideways for a minute, for more than a minute, probably a couple of days, probably a couple of weeks. It went sideways on you, but guess what? You’re still alive. Am I going to muck the whole hand because I didn’t like this one card? No, like the odds of having the card with the hand are so ridiculously small. Am I going to throw you the whole hand because of this? I’m going to use this as rocket fuel to get me going. Now it’s like this is going to sound paralysis, preconceived and everything. But what are you going to come up with that I’m afraid I can’t overcome. Do you know what I’ve been through? Do you know what I’m going to overcome? I’ve got so much belief in myself that I can overcome anything in life because I’ve been able to do so much when so little was expected when it was like can you even be able to walk, talk or smile? I don’t know, can you even be a function? You don’t even know, you see, but good enough to get back to work. We don’t know. Can you get back to this? No, I don’t know. Now, as a speaker, it’s like it’s a pretty bold move Getting laid off from your job. I’m like I’m going to be a speaker now. It’s like cool, this is a pretty bold move down. Like yeah, I’m taking big steps, big ass, big, big swints here. I’m chasing this down because why not? Why can’t I do this?

Julie Hilsen: 22:06

Yeah, so you rehabbed, you got back to work. After was it 10 or 12 months of therapy and then you’re like, okay, you’re ready to go back to work.

Daniel MacQueen: 22:16

So I was in about six months rehab in person and six months rehab at home. About a year later I made it back to the office. After vocational therapy, occupational therapy, speech and language therapy. I go in the pool, started going back to some water. It’s just low impact for the exercise, right. It would take me 45 minutes to get changed and I’d swim for like five lengths and then get out and take 45 minutes to change again Like it was slow, arduous, difficult stuff. Then building back up, got back to walking again. Like walking took forever to walk in. I’ll tell you one story about learning to walk in tune. Probably get on mine, julie. So I’ve been in a wheelchair for about four months, I’d say, and I’d slowly got back to walking on the Zimmer frame, on what I called the Ferrari, which is like a four-wheeled walkie. You kind of waddle around quickly on. I got time to walk in tune Broadway. So tune. Broadway is an area in South London, an area they call up and coming. Think loud sirens, drugs, gangs. It’s dirty, it’s hectic, it’s busy. Walk with a cane, walk with an eye patch. I’m bad beyond ice. After four months in a wheelchair I turned the corner to walk on the high street for the first time in four months. Immediately it slammed in new by someone. I stagger back a few feet. Someone’s curious passed on the right hand side. I thought it was done with the rats. Someone had been stabbed in the sidewalk. Back here I’m thinking this is a pretty wild place to learn to walk here. A few days I was thinking this is the worst place to learn to walk in the world. Can’t they see I’m trying to walk here? Can’t they see I’m trying here? And then one day my perspective shifted. Maybe this isn’t the worst place to learn to walk in the world now. Maybe this is the best. If I can walk here, I can walk anywhere. So tune Broadway didn’t change, right, julie?

Julie Hilsen: 24:19

Right, it did not change.

Daniel MacQueen: 24:20

Went from the worst to the best in my mind about moving to the fuck with that. What are you looking at in your life if it commences the worst? This is the absolute worst? Hey, maybe it is, or maybe you can find a way to turn down the suck a little bit. You can find a way to shit that perspective a little bit. When you change the way you look at the world, the world you look at can change, and that’s a pretty profound thing to say Now. I’m only learning this after the fact. They didn’t know this at the time. I just knew maybe this isn’t the worst, maybe this is the best. Maybe you frame your mindset and then I look forward to those walks. Walking was an arduous, difficult grind that took me two, three months to get the handle of it. I walked when I came for six months after this. It was not out of the woods, but everything was grinding and difficult. But it was a mindset thing more than anything else. I made that mindset shift the worst and the best.

Julie Hilsen: 25:17

Wow.

Daniel MacQueen: 25:19

I’m not hating these walks in tune. I’m probably I’ve relished them like what a great opportunity to learn in the best place in the world and that may be smoke in some capacities, probably not the worst place to learn or walk in the world, but it’s certainly not the easiest. Tune brought me to a dumpster fire to walk in, but like I loved it because I was getting better by this. Like you’re making me better by getting this adversity, like your strength testing myself. Don’t wish you was easier. Make yourself better, make yourself stronger.

Julie Hilsen: 25:50

Did you have a lot of faith as a kid? Because to me, to believe in yourself that much, to put yourself in these positions and know that you can rise to the occasion, but it takes a lot of faith and I didn’t know if that was something you grew up, if your parents were strong in that, or I’m just curious, what gives you this fight?

Daniel MacQueen: 26:15

I think I’ve always I’m not very faith based, to be honest, julie, but I’ve been almost on a very like bank believe in myself Always been some guy who dated, was dating the girls probably way, way better than I was, way better looking than I was, and people I was like, oh, this guy’s dating this girl and they’re like, yeah, I’m here, but I’m good enough to be here, and like I always have that chip in my shoulder. Playing soccer I was always been undersized and I was be targeted and like tackled hard and you know I get up quick and brush up against him Like, hey man, that’s all you got. Like I was on that chip in my shoulder kind of vibe and I wanted to prove you wrong. I wanted to prove you wrong Like that. That vibe of me is like so, so strong, like that’s such a motivating factor for me and that’s a bit of a dark place to have motivation come from that chip on your shoulder. I’ve now tried to transition my motivation for more of service based stuff, so more of like helping you. Your success is my success, my success is your success, less proving you wrong. Cause I realized once I prove you wrong, motivation dissipates like that, like it was never there. When it’s service based, your success is my success. It’s a longer relationship. It’s, it’s a. It’s a. It’s a, it’s a, it’s a, it’s a good thing. A deep desire to prove I’m good enough to be here and to prove you wrong, that got me off the mat for sure. Zero to one, that’s what’s kind of driven me so far, to be honest.

Julie Hilsen: 27:37

It’s beautiful and it’s a higher vibration to go from competition to right or wrong, that polarity mindset to collaboration and celebration. It’s a higher existence and you figured that out.

Daniel MacQueen: 27:57

Well, I watched the Michael Jordan documentary the Last Dance. I’m not sure. Did you watch that, Julie?

Julie Hilsen: 28:04

I watched parts of it and then his show, the show on ESPN, yeah.

Daniel MacQueen: 28:10

Oh and Netflix or whatever. Yeah, but it was the most apparent thing for me in that documentary was how he motivated himself with being told he’s not good enough to do something and then him going scorched earth and proving them wrong and I realized that’s a very high octane fuel to get things done. But I also know how bitter and jaded he was as a superstar, as an old man. He’s a bitter guy. He’s not a happy dude, michael Jordan, it’s like this guy said this and I proved him wrong here and you think you can talk shit about me and like it’s like that fire in your belly. I’ve got that in spades. But I noticed that he said he’s bitter and jaded with life and like I don’t want to be that guy, like I’m happy, good, lucky guy and like I don’t want to have that bitterness inside me forever. I’m now trying to transition that very intentionally to more of a surface space, because there’s a lot of that inside me as well. I want to help you. Service is a big part of my vibe, but like that, michael Jordan, proven you wrong. Vibe is the first thing that came to mind and that’s the first thing that got me off the mat. So zero to one was Michael Jordan. One and 10 is down service and I’m trying to scale that and grow that help and try to help you be better than yesterday through that?

Julie Hilsen: 29:15

Well, I definitely feel that, and it is a tweak in the lens when somebody gets under your skin and you’re just like that person’s, just such an ass, like why are they so difficult, why are they so selfish, or whatever. Whatever is triggering you at that moment If you can tweak the lens and say they’re showing me something, and it’s a gift that I can feel this deeply. I can even, you know, be annoyed by someone this much. That’s a gift, because if everyone did exactly what you expected, if everybody followed this path of you know whatever pleases you, you’d have no, nothing to rise above and you’d be completely bored. It reminds me of the Truman, the Truman story, that Jim Carrey movie, where he’s just looking for some adventure, right, and he’s just like this can’t be. My life, like, every day, is easy and I’m just this charm, this charm thing. And in his soul as a person, he knew that something was wrong and he sought. He sought for the drama because, you know, we don’t want to admit it, but we need. We need challenges, oh for sure.

Daniel MacQueen: 30:23

Like I think this experience has taught me like look, I can do hard things and I rise up to that occasion for sure. Like I realized, I lost my job this past summer, Julie, or last last summer not this summer, but last summer and my brother in master view is down to sort of be able to job. I was at this company for nine years who’s he does it in nine years for Wrong side of a spreadsheet, Got let go of corporate resizing and where there goes sort of you lost your job down to the top, but no new, you’ll bounce back. This is nothing right. You’ve been through much worse than what you’re right. It’s been a very minor in consideration and I accepted it like that. Like it was like an afternoon I had a boozy lunch, Kiff morey, down at the Mac store about a new computer which I’m calling you on today. I’m a speaker tomorrow. Acceptance is so key and like I just like oh, I guess I’m rising up. Like I guess I’m leveling up because I got to be a speaker tomorrow, which means I’m going to be a speaker today. I mean I elevate my mindset to higher frequencies, right, Like I need to build myself back up and that’s so key, for this is just like rise up.

Julie Hilsen: 31:33

rise up, Because we haven’t even talked about your hydrocephalus, your second brain injury that knocked you down. You had to come back again.

Daniel MacQueen: 31:47

Yeah. So this one’s a bit. This is a bit more. This is more difficult. After a year of rehab I’ve been back to work on a part time basis for two half days a week. What would happen is I’d meet my mom at the tube and then she would go off on her coffee and then I would go to work Just to go and showcase that I got off to work. Okay, one morning I didn’t show up and she called me. I didn’t answer my phone. She goes back to my flat, which is like 10 minute walk from the tube, and she finds me unconscious on the floor. What had happened was the shock, that’s, my brain had blocked the hydrocephalus, or water on the brain. I was rushed to the hospital, had emergency brain surgery for the second time. I woke up in the hospital hearing the beeping of the heart monitor going off beep, beep, beep. What happened? What happened? What happened? You don’t hit Dan. You had second brain surgery. We got the blockage, but you just had surgery again. They go. All my progress is washed away. I’m going for a year to get back to work, a year to get back to the office, to make it like get back to life, like I was frampless behind me right and I clawed back in and grabbed my ankle and ripped me back down and, like I described my recovery like a W. So the first step back’s down. Here I climbed back up to work. I’m maybe halfway up back to where it was. The second setback’s down where the first one was much lower the depths of the human experience I call this when all your hopes and dreams just snooker. That way you thought you had a chance, but almost back to normal life. Ha ha ha. This, this, this death, kind of grips you and pulls you back down and tells you hey, bud, you ain’t going nowhere. And that was the lowest I was in my life, because that was just like everything I’ve been working for for a year was stripped away from me an instant. And like I had done rehab shows and I wasn’t able to go back to rehab in person, I had to fight tooth and now to get remote rehab available for me and I had to climb way back up and like it was everything. This was the first step back was tough. The first step back was tough, but compared to this it was a cake walk. This was the depths where everything was snickered at and just like, oh, you thought you had a chance, but back to work. All you’re making some progress, ha-ha-ha.

Julie Hilsen: 34:14

Just pulled the rug out from under you and you knew how hard you worked to get back to 75%. You weren’t even 100% yet. When the rug got pulled out, it was like you got slapped. You got slapped back down.

Daniel MacQueen: 34:28

Yeah, it’s just like it took. It’s at some perspective because I really like had to like level up myself and like accept this. I was down for a week, Like I was low for a week. Like this isn’t fair, this is the worst pity, spiraling out Like I was going down the pity spiral. Like this isn’t fair, why was me? What was me? Then I kind of stopped myself Like hey, man, you’ve done rehab before. You know who did this better. The lessons learned are there. You may have lost the faculty to do this, but the lessons learned are there. You know how to do this better so you can build yourself back up. So I kind of got the mindset around like hey, don’t get the wools me down this pity spiral. Chop wood, carry water, that’s what I call them. Let’s get back to work. So I quickly righted the ship and started going the right direction and started to build myself back up slowly but surely in like small steps, small gains, slowest, smoothest, move this fast, like kind of vibe, pick myself back up and like I haven’t stopped. I’ve been climbing back up ever since and it’s like, but the mental fortitude to take that pivot and not go down the pity spiral after the second setback was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life because that was like all the work for a year was wiped out in an instant and I had to really focus my mindset on getting back to like the pity spiral and be positive and climb back up and track on this and that’s what I’m trying to pass along. My talks now is like as a speaker. So now what happens to you? But I respond to the matters. Right, this, these instances should have wiped me out, okay, no doubt. Like I was hanging on my fingernails. Wasn’t sure I make out of this? Like I was hanging on my fingernails, I don’t know if I can hold on any longer. I’m going to hang on as much as I can. And it broke. It broke for me twice, three times. Just keep going. There’s this lovely quote from the book called the horse, the fox, the mole and the boy, or some of this. I might have butchered the name, I butchered it in for sure. And the boys walk through a thick wood and they can’t see way through. He yells back, the horse goes, I can’t see way through. And the horse goes, yells back can you see the next step? And the boy goes back yes, and the horse says well then, just take that. My whole life is about taking that next step. Don’t look too far down the road, just take the next step and then hopefully the road will open up when you take the next step. But don’t get too focused on like I’m not here, I’m not there, like just can you see the next step? Then just take that. Many times I was, I was just like in a wheelchair. I took 45 minutes in the wheelchair, then 40, then 35, then 30. Like she don’t know how far further along the road I am now, compared to that moment in time, if I thought about where was that now at that stage of my life I would never make it there because it was way too far down the road. But the next step was to make it in the wheelchair in 30 minutes 35, but 30 minutes and then 25, not 30. And then 20, not 25. Take the next step. If you can get that mindset in your vibe, like you can take the next step and you can progress. But like, keep climbing that mountain, but take the next step With everything. My life is to take the next step. I had eye surgery. We’re going all over the map here. I’m sorry. We had eye surgery last two months ago three months ago On the left eye, the first one, the left eye that I’ve had three surgeries, um, two on the right, one on the left and this was the second one on the left. So I’ve got double vision right from the brain, which means I see two of you. But it’s not like this. It’s like this. There’s tears in my eyes, which is why I tilt my head a little bit, because it’s not like a light, for like visual, and I got used to my eyesight like this for like nine years. We had eye surgery last two months ago and like it was, uh, it changed everything. I’m turning my head a lot now to like looking into my right eye because I say I trust the left eye flutters a little bit. It’s called like um I can’t remember the name of it is, but it like flutters and my dad goes Dan, you were going to have the eye surgery and I said yeah, it changed everything. But having reflected upon a bit more, I realized like no, I don’t, because I took the next step. The step was the surgery, because maybe you can fix it over vision, and like it’s not on the woods yet, it’s still a little bit of screens wild for me, which is why my head’s, my eyes, are bounced around all the time, Like I’m not meaning to be like disrespectful by looking around, I just can’t look at the screen because it’s not there, it’s like this and it’s fluttering a little bit. It’s kind of wild. Um, but I took the next step there, which is key, and like that’s the mindset I was going to take on board, like I’m so glad to take that next step because that’s how you get better, let’s say you improve, let’s say you climb the mountain by taking the next step is just by progressing and taking what’s available for you. If you get worried about, like, looking too far down the road, you can’t, you get overwhelmed and you can’t make yourself forward. But like take the next step and that’s what I did. And so the eye will maybe love eye surgery again. I don’t know. But like I’m glad and I stand behind taking that step because it was a step forward that it took the right eye surgery made a big difference and improved my set a lot. The left eye has changed everything, but maybe we’ll have eye surgery again. We’re getting ready to fight that. I’m not sure, but I stand by the choice to take the chop because I’ve always taken that next step. And that’s like, if you listen to skin, get one thing from those messages just always take that next step. It makes sense, that’s right, I mean there’s so much wisdom in it.

Julie Hilsen: 39:56

It’s the simplicity is is huge because it’s your present, you know where you are. It’s symbolic because you have to look up to take that next step. You have to square your body. You got to be centered, present and just move forward with trust and just taking the next step sounds like simple advice, but there are layers underneath that that are beautiful and courageous and admirable. So I just I’m holding space for all your courage. Thank you, julie. I appreciate that.

Daniel MacQueen: 40:41

It’s. I’m the product of falling down seven times, getting up eight, like I failed my way to success by stumbling, by stepping in it, by falling my face again and again, and again and again. But guess what? I’m standing back up every time. And as long as you stand back up, you can learn from it and improve your lot and not make that same mistake again. But you got to step back up and it’s difficult sometimes to step back up because you’re like, well, I’ll just get knocked down. Like, yeah, you do, but like the time you get knocked down short and every time. Like it’s not, you’re not going to get knocked down every time. And like you slowly start standing up a lot or more. And like you got to go into this and like and like, relish that fight because that’s making you better. Right, the best, the worst, not the best. Like mindset is so key here, right, like is that what happens to you when I respond to that matters? It’s great coordinates to use all the time in my talks. We’re all while the weather’s setting it goes well lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us, and I know that inside me there’s a pretty resilient dude and he can handle pretty much anything the world throws at him. I’m not tempting fate, I’m not tempting destruction, but I just know myself that I’m strong enough to handle this adversity by going into it again and again, and again, and again and again.

Julie Hilsen: 42:08

And it allows you to recreate, it allows you to come from resource. You’re not a victim. You’re not. You’re not the result of your circumstances. You are who you are because of the choice you make in each and every moment. I think that’s beautiful.

Daniel MacQueen: 42:25

Yeah, it’s like you can’t be a victim here, because you’ll never hear me say the word victim, because that’s a mindset that I think you take on board. To like pass responsibility to someone else and power.

Julie Hilsen: 42:35

When you begin someone responding to it.

Daniel MacQueen: 42:37

Yeah, I don’t want to give that away because, like it’s not, I’m not a victim here. Like no, no, no, it’s. Like this isn’t fair. This is how to make sure it’s not fair. It’s happening, but like guess what it happened. And by saying it’s not fair and like passing the buck, well, it’s not fair, it happened, well, cool. So I guess I’m just going to mail my chips now for the rest of my life. And no, that’s bullshit, it’s not cool, it’s in you, man. Like it’s 400 trillion to one right, 400 trillion to one of life. In the first place, I’m going to muck the whole hand because I don’t like that card. So, no, like like find that inside you to crack on and just and fight, just keep fighting. And like remember me to my doctor, yens, he goes you haven’t lost the light in your eyes to anyone. No, like I’m not gonna ever lose that light. Because, like this light is for the limit, because people, I guess, lose that like the spark of life when they go through this. Because, like they just feel dejected and like nothing matters, nothing they can do, controls, and there was a fire in their eyes. But like the fire in your eyes is your life and I’m never going to lose that, not as long as I can help it right Like I’m going to keep fighting as long as I can.

Julie Hilsen: 43:42

That’s what’s driven you to share your story and be a motivational speaker I’d love to share with the audience. Your website is macqueen macqueendancom.

Daniel MacQueen: 43:57

Yeah, macqueendancom, a motivational keynote speaker. You can see my demo reel there, as well as the contact form, macqueendan, across the socials as well. I’m speaking now because I had a lot of help to get back up to where I’m at today. Maybe you don’t have that help, and if I don’t have the help, I’m not here.

Julie Hilsen: 44:19

Straight up.

Daniel MacQueen: 44:20

But I can give you the lessons learned just for like this podcast, these lessons learned. They’re not Maybe they’re like whimsical lessons, I don’t know, but like they’ve helped me get back from that today. So there’s some real lessons, some real nuggets of gold in here that you can mine and figure out like that mindset piece the worst and the best, like you have that. Like walking into a high street is not the worst, but the best business in the world. That changed everything for me. I began walking on the streets like with the purpose, with the motivation, with the swagger, because I’m learning to get better here. But if you, if you, if you just say this is not fair, then you just get sheepish and weak and meek and you don’t want to walk into your body. But like I loved it, I loved that fight the dog and me loved it. So the motivation is to help, is service based. Now it’s to help you be better than yesterday and help you to be better than yesterday. Because, I believe that you can control a lot of this in your life and if you allow yourself to know that mindset, you can do a lot of great things.

Julie Hilsen: 45:25

Yes, you’re precious and there’s only one of you available, everyone listening. You are the only authentic you in the whole wide world and your gifts deserve to be shared. And and please never lose your light, be like Dan, not like Mike I’m just kidding Michael Jordan. Well, mike like.

Daniel MacQueen: 45:50

I got a lot of Michael Jordan inside me. I know that for sure and, like that’s, I’m grateful for that because it got me off the mat. Zero to one was Michael Jordan, but now one to 10 is service Cause. I’m trying to pivot this and like be more intentional with how I show up for myself and others, and maybe that means I’m not as good as Michael Jordan, sure, but like I’m happy to dump you as good as Michael Jordan, that’s okay, but I know that I got him inside me. I’m trying to like control that, that dog in me, if that makes sense.

Julie Hilsen: 46:17

Yeah, it’s in your awareness and your practices and mindfulness and meditation that helps you be more clear. Well, I’ve enjoyed our time so much and I can’t wait to share this, and I encourage if anyone listening has a friend or someone you thought of having challenges, you know, just take these nuggets. They apply to every situation difficult friendships, parenting. It applies to you know, your financial status. These things can be applied to any single thing in your life that you’re not happy with. So please use this, use his suffering to help propel you, and that’s what we’re all about is making our life. You know, every, every moment’s a chance to live life your dreams. So thank you so much for sharing Dan.

Daniel MacQueen: 47:07

Julie, thanks so much for running your podcast. I look forward to chatting with you later.