Julie hilsen (00:01)
Hello, dear friends, and welcome to another episode of Life of Love, where we gather every Thursday to share inspiration and love and just showing up for your highest good. And today we have a very special guest, Billy Lahr. He’s streaming in from Thailand. He’s staying up late for Life of Love. So, yay.

Billy (00:16)
Thailand,

Julie hilsen (00:21)
Billy, thanks for being here. Yeah, well, we are so delighted to connect. am really excited to share Billy’s message. This is really fun, an intentional life coach. And I just love it. And he also has his own podcast, Mindful Midlife Crisis. And that segues right into how we sort of connected. He was in education for 21 years, hit the

Billy (00:23)
Thank you for having me, Julie.

Julie hilsen (00:46)
hit the wall of burnout. And sometimes, you know, life just throws us these walls to explore what our next calling is. Not that we ever made mistakes. I don’t believe there’s any mistakes, but there’s certain times of transition where you’re like, wait a minute, what’s going on? And so I relate to what Billy is, his path has been, and I just can’t wait for him to share the details of this. But basically he took time out to travel and find his purpose.

And so that’s, I believe, how we met because I’m really in tune with purpose and consciousness. And anytime I can share someone’s story about their path and then how they’re giving back, because Billy has a whole system and a website, mindful midlifecrisis .com, where he shares all of his wisdom. So you don’t want to miss that. But Billy, if you could just…

Let the audience know a little bit about that year you took off. You’re just like, I’m gonna go and explore and maybe some insight as to how that helps you find your purpose.

Billy (01:52)
Yeah. So I’m actually in year three of this. I call it my mindful midlife crisis. It’s me transitioning out of education to figure out what I’m going to do next. Now, the good news is that I figured out what my purpose was in life pretty young. I realize in, and I think this all kind of comes back to the system that I use, but

But I realized very young that I enjoyed being in front of people. I enjoyed coaching people. I was a little league coach. I was a tee ball coach from ages 15 to 19. And then when I got into college, I originally thought I was going to go into computer programming because my brother -in -law worked for Microsoft and he was making good money. And I liked being in chat rooms. So that’s the same as being a computer programmer. No, it’s not.

And, and I remember going back to visit my high school baseball coach one time. This was early in my freshman year of college. And he was like, you want to teach class today? And I was like, yeah, that sounds cool. What, what are you, what are you learning? And he said, we’re talking about the top 10 leading causes of death. And I remembered that lesson from when I was in 10th grade health class. So he gave me the list and there were a few updates to it. So.

I facilitated this conversation with his 10th grade health class. Now I grew up in a small town, so I knew a lot of those kids. I coached a lot of those kids or I coached their siblings or, you know, I, you know, was friends with their siblings or something along those lines. So I knew them. So I felt very comfortable and I led this conversation, but.

At the end of it, I went to my baseball coach and I was like, gosh, that was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed that. And he said, well, you ever thought about being a teacher? And I’m like, well, I am now. And English was always my favorite subject. And it dawned on me that why, why am I taking these computer programming classes? I don’t know anything about computer programming. And, but I do know how to connect with people and I enjoy reading. I enjoy writing. I enjoy sharing.

whatever knowledge I have of, of reading and writing and literature and talking about these things. I think being a movie buff at a young age kind of helps too, when you’re an English teacher, cause you recognize how stories take shape. So I was very lucky. I recognize what my purpose was right when I was in a freshman in college. And I did that for 21 years. And the thing is,

Yeah, you know, it just kind of got to the point where I was like, okay, I had a dog and I didn’t want, I wanted to travel, but I didn’t want to take my dog who was getting older all around the world with me. I don’t have the same responsibilities as everybody else has. I’m not married. I don’t have kids, but I had this little dog. So then when she passed away in April of 2020, I was like, okay, now that she’s crossed the rainbow bridge, I can make a plan to take a leave for a year.

And then come back if I want. And during that first year of travel, there just was, when I came back to Minnesota after being in Portugal for two months and Spain for two weeks, and I took a side trip to Dakar, Senegal, so I could go paddle boarding off the coast of Africa. There just wasn’t going to be a way for me to transition back into that position. So I resigned and I continued traveling. Now I was very much still in traveler mode.

at that time. And I was also building up the podcast at that time. So I thought, I’ll just, I’ll just become a full -time podcaster. Wrong. That’s not, not that easy. And I had to figure out, okay, well, what is it that I am going to do? So what is it now that I’m no longer in the classroom, I don’t have an interest in going back into the classroom. What is it that, that I want to teach? Cause I still have this purpose.

Julie hilsen (05:36)
Mmm.

Billy (05:54)
To teach others. I still have this drive to teach others. It just wasn’t in that capacity anymore. And I have been practicing mindfulness for 11 years and I came to practice mindfulness through my own mental health struggles. So I was struggling with anxiety and depression and that was manifesting in a suicidal ideation. So I was introduced to mindfulness through my therapist at the time. Her name is Mindy Bendixson. I always like to say Mindy’s name because

without her, I often say that mindfulness not only changed my life, but it most likely saved it. So I’m very grateful to, for Mindy for introducing to me to, to mindfulness. But then what I found was over time as I was cultivating this mindfulness practice, I was able to manage these anxiety attacks a little bit better. And I was, I was just feeling emotionally more in control.

And I was able to respond as opposed to react. And I was less impulsive. I was still impulsive. I’m kind of a spaz. I’m very high intensity. I’m very, you know, hyperactive. My mind is always moving. So I just kind of had, I needed a tool in order to manage how quickly things were moving in my head so that I could slow them down just a little bit, not feel so overwhelmed.

not allow the emotional tidal wave to pull me out into the sea. And when I was able to, when I was starting doing more and more of that, I remember one of my sophomores who I had as a freshman said to me, you know, Mr. Lahr, you seem like you’re in a better mood this year. And that was it. I realized like, wow, this, this whole mindfulness practice, this is now

Julie hilsen (07:36)
Aww.

Billy (07:42)
way of life for me because it actually is having a palpable effect people are feeling my energy shift to something that’s more positive and one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me is Billy the reason why I like you is because When you’re excited about something you want everyone else to be excited about it, too So I started thinking to myself what? What do I have to offer the world? What do I have to teach the world?

And that would, that would positively impact the world. And, and I thought, you know what? I I’m going to learn as much as I can about how mindfulness actually impacts us and, and it can changes the way we think and changes our brain and, and have an impact on, on our way of life and the way that we see life and the way that we interact with others and how we communicate with others. And.

In doing that, I’m like, okay, now I know what the next thing is here. I know what my next purpose is. It was teaching English before, but now it’s teaching. It’s the same direction, just in the, excuse me, it’s the same vehicle, but it’s just in a different direction. So I feel so fortunate that I figured all that out.

at a young age, but even as I was going through that transitional period here, a year and a half ago, I had to think about, okay, what is it that I know? What are my skill sets? What are my strengths? What are my needs? And in recognizing that, I’ve now been able to kind of carve out this new path. It’s not been easy.

because when you’re a solo entrepreneur, especially coming out of the world of education, like, I don’t know how to market. I, I don’t know how to sell. I don’t know how to close a sale, any of that kind of stuff. but I do know how to help people live more mindfully and more intentionally through routine, through structure. Those are all things that I did as a Dean. So those are transferable skills that, that I use when I’m

Julie hilsen (09:30)
I’m gonna go.

Billy (09:50)
having conversations with people who are looking to make that shift. And in doing so, it kind of clears out the clutter that is in our mind and creates a clearer path for us to find, maybe not necessarily find our purpose, but to recognize has our purpose changed? Is it going in a different direction? And then let’s move it down that direction.

Julie hilsen (10:18)
There’s so many nuggets there and I love how you said the tsunami of emotion, you know, and so many times those things that are the most intense, those things that just knock us off our feet are these billboards for our life. Like, hello, pay attention, the tsunami’s coming, woo, woo, woo, you know, like, hmm.

Billy (10:40)
Yeah, we had a guest on our show named Tom Cote. He’s on episode 10 and 35, I think, if people want. He’s a hoot. I love Tom Cote, but he talks about tornadoes of negativity. You get wrapped up in that spiral of negativity, the tornado of negativity. And those were just sort of the weather patterns that were in my mind.

Julie hilsen (10:55)
Huh?

Billy (11:04)
during that period of my life and I had to learn how to weather a storm. I had to learn how to hunker down. I was aware of these thoughts. So then, what do they tell you when a tornado is spiraling through? They tell you to seek shelters. So I had to find those resources in order to seek shelter so that I could come back out and see the blue skies of what…

really was going on around me and there was a lot to be grateful for. And I wasn’t seeing that because I was so focused on what wasn’t there.

Julie hilsen (11:42)
Yeah, it’s easy to get caught up in your own mind. And like you said that the practice of mindfulness created space for you to accept where you were and then work through it. And like you said, see what the gifts were because for some reason our minds will just, it reminds me of making a snowball. It’s like, you know, you roll, you start with this little.

this little thing and then you roll it on the ground, it gets bigger and bigger. And that’s sort of what happens in your mind is like it just escalates. And, you know, when it brought me to this really great saying when you’re talking is like, if you’re nervous, go to service. Like you have all this energy, you have all this to give and and your intuition and your heart, your soul is like, share, like be there for other people. Use this energy for good.

And so I just love how you took your passion and your teacher and then you’re like, well, I’m going to teach this other direction. And life isn’t about a huge, like, you know, change your whole life all at once. Maybe it’s these little tweaks where you can follow this curiosity and so just love. I love to encourage people to just follow those sparks. So, you know, like mindfulness helped you and.

So do you think like when you’re mindful, you’re aware of your consciousness more that you can be more consciously aware of what’s really happening and quiet those storms a little, you know, it’s not like you’re not gonna have storms, but you can get out of them quicker. Like instead of it being a tsunami, maybe it’s just.

Maybe it’s just a way that you get to ride and use the energy to get to your next level. There’s ways to use the power of these emotions. So I would love for you to share, do you think it’s your consciousness expanding when you get quiet and mindful? Or what are the benefits that you see of your mindfulness besides like you said routine and what you said already?

Billy (13:35)
Yeah, for me, so as we define mindfulness, it is sitting in in present awareness without judgment. So sitting, sitting in awareness of whatever is present without judgment. So for me, a lot of it is just doing breath work. And, and as I’m sitting in mindful meditation, which is, in my opinion, the most

intense form of practice of mindfulness because you are sitting simply with your breath and you’re simply sitting with whatever is coming up and you’re watching those emotions come up. You’re watching those thoughts come up, but you are a witness to the experience. You are simply observing them. You’re not labeling them. You are not judging them, but obviously those things happen.

So then you just become aware of, wait, I am labeling this, I am judging this. And now that I’m aware of that, let me just go back to observing them. Or it’s just simply observing how the breath feels in the body. So for me, it’s not so much developing a higher consciousness as it is bringing myself back to what is it that I am experiencing right now.

This thought that is tumbling around in my head right now, where am I feeling this in my body? What’s the somatic experience of it? What is the emotional experience? What thoughts are coming to, what emotions are tied to this? What feelings are tied to this thought? And now that I’m aware of that, I can let that thought go and come back to.

What is present? I think when we talk about, you know, when you’re saying, when we experience anxiety to, to move on to service, I would say that there’s an intermediary step in there. When you’re sitting with the, which means when you’re feeling anxiety, sit with what is, what is that anxiety feel like? What is it that that’s, that’s bubbling up and how can we just simply be aware that, all right.

I am experiencing anxiety right now. I am experiencing turmoil right now. I’m experiencing joy right now. We never teach people how to sit with joy. And I will do mindful coffee drinking with people. I will do mindful eating with people so that they can actually activate all of their senses and let those kick in.

and then also activate, hey, this is what joy feels. This is what pleasure feels like because we don’t teach people to sit with those emotions and let those linger. So for me, I’m trying to linger in those moments for as long as possible. I’ll give you I’ll give you an example. So a month ago, I was in Vietnam and I wanted to go to Ban Gioc waterfalls.

They are this incredibly, incredibly stunning cascade of waterfalls that separate Vietnam from China. And when I was so excited to see them and then when I turned the corner and I saw them, I was just beaming. I was beaming at the, the, the how majestic they were.

And we got to take like a little boat tour. Sorry, if anyone’s been to Niagara Falls, you can go and take like the, the maid of the mist or whatever, and go right next to the falls. So these aren’t as powerful, but they’re just because there’s so many layers, they’re just incredibly stunning. So we got to go right up to that. And I just wanted to be in that moment. And I,

I admittedly took too many videos. I took too many pictures. I wanted to capture that. But when we got back to shore, I just sat there with this joy because I’m like, my goodness, I know that this is going to be a fleeting feeling. So I’m going to sit here and just and be present with this, this feeling of joy. And to me, that’s.

What mindfulness does is it allows me to process whatever the emotion, the emotional state that I am in so that I am then aware that I am operating from that emotional state so that I am not being reactive, but I am being responsive. And it’s not about being happy and smiling or, or Zen all of the time. It’s recognizing that, what you just said.

really agitated me. It really frustrated me. It really disappointed me. But then how what I say next needs to be a response and not a reaction. Because in that moment, I get the stimulus. And then I go through the mindfulness process. And then I have an opportunity, right, then I have the ability to choose how I am going to respond.

And when we remove mindfulness, then we just have stimulus and reaction. Now we need that. We need the instincts to kick in its survival. But if we’re constantly in a survival state, which is our amygdala, our fight, flight, or fright response, it’s overheating.

If we’re constantly in that, then we’re constantly in the survival mode and we’re always acting out of that. So how do we practice mindfulness so that we increase the amount of gray matter in our prefrontal cortex, which regulates the emotion, which actually cools the amygdala. It actually shrinks the amygdala over time so that we’re not so fight, flight or fright.

We are not cavemen anymore. We are not faced with the same perils. We are faced with stress, but we are not faced with the same dangers and perils as our ancestors of old were at one point in time. So how do we just simply be present? And I think that those are really important skills for us to learn as we navigate.

things like being curious and open and compassionate and aware and grateful and non -judgmental and accepting in our lives.

Julie hilsen (20:21)
beautifully said. I couldn’t agree any more. It’s just, I loved how you said just be there without judgment.

The first few times you try to do that, you realize you’re placing judgment on everything like blades of grass. So that one’s greener than the other one. And then you realize when you try not to judge or what you’re really doing is you’re seeing a contrast. And without the darker blade of grass, the brighter one wouldn’t show as much. And then you just get down this whole path. And so I honor, I honor that your journey as part of that too is like, okay, what is this really showing me? What can I see here? And, and,

I loved how you talked about, you know, just saturating yourself in the joy because we do get these fleeting moments and there are, you know, there’s waves and there’s cycles of life, right? And some days you’re going to feel really good. Why not bask in feeling good? Why not bask in that, you know, your muscles are all feeling great and you have energy? Like we take for granted our health and our bodies, but what you pay attention to is what is accentuated. So.

I love that message that you shared about just basking in that joy. It’s not about being a Pollyanna. It’s about just experiencing everything in the present moment. Present and precious, right? It’s like we get the short life. When you were at the waterfall, is that like a place where people go to pilgrimage or is it a spiritual place at all? Or is it…

Billy (21:43)
Hmm.

No, it’s just, yeah it is, but it takes commitment to get there. It was a three day, two night trip to get there because it’s on the north, I guess east angle of Vietnam and it’s, it was like an eight to 10 hour drive from Hanoi, so they turned it into a long trip.

Julie hilsen (21:54)
It’s a tourist attraction.

Okay.

wow.

Billy (22:19)
for us, but it’s a commitment to get there. So there aren’t a lot of Westerners who make that trip. And it really isn’t a crowded tourist attraction either, just because it’s challenging to get there. And it can be expensive to get there too, but I found a really good deal and it was an incredible experience.

Julie hilsen (22:42)
I’ll have to see. Did you post on social, your pictures? Yeah, I’ll have to check it out.

Billy (22:45)
Yeah, yeah, people go to Instagram at mindful underscore midlife underscore crisis, they can check out. You’ll have to scroll down. But trust me when you’ll see the images of the waterfall and you’ll see a great big smile on my face because it was just a really incredible experience is something I’ll never forget.

Julie hilsen (23:01)
Yeah.

I honor that that was something that sparked you and you’re like, I’m just going to do it. That perseverance, that’s really cool. my gosh. And well, one other thing, we’re sort of like, we’re going to make a right hand turn here. In the pre -interview, we were talking about being a sober explorer. And I was wondering, you know, your path to that idea.

Billy (23:10)
Hmm.

Yeah.

Julie hilsen (23:28)
and that was it part of when you traveled, you realized you weren’t as aware when you had a glass of wine or a pint or like what led you to that epiphany? Because I’m a sober explorer as well. Like I go through times where I’m like, I just, the thought of having a drink, it gives me a headache. So I just can’t. And there’s, I think it’s part of my spiritual journey. Like I’m less aware if I have a drink. And so there’s times I just, I choose not to, but I don’t judge myself if I.

want to celebrate something as part of my social makeup. And you know, there’s some times I’ll make a conscious decision that I’m going to have something. But lately, it’s been less and less or I have something and I’m like, I wanted to talk to you about that and you know, share your perspective on that because it’s something that resonates with me too.

Billy (24:18)
Yeah. So this all started, in probably about November of 2012. And this was the, I had, I was reaching just rock bottom when it came to my mental health. And I’m like, okay, something needs a, something needs to change here. So I decided to do a, do 180 days of not drinking.

So now it was October actually. And the reason why I know it was October is because I was MCing an event for some friends of mine. And we went to like the pre -rehearsal at a friend’s house and they said, Hey, do you want a drink? And I said, no, I’m actually, she’s, I’m not, I’m not drinking here for awhile. And I remember these guys are drinkers and I was like, how is this going to go? And they both said,

Julie hilsen (25:03)
I don’t know.

Billy (25:07)
Hey man, that’s really cool. Good for you. And it was just like, it was a huge relief to feel that support. So I wanted to do 180 days because I wanted to make a 180 in my life. Right. So, so, and in the two things that exacerbated my anxiety at that time were alcohol and my students. So I said, you know what? When I’m, when I’m with one, I’m not with the other. So if I’m, if I am teaching during the school year,

Then I’m not going to drink during the entire school year. So that 180 just kind of progressed to the end of that school year. And then when the summer rolled around, I’m like, okay, I can have a couple drinks here and there. And I did that. But then when the next school year rolled around, I’m like, you know what? I kind of like this idea of the sober school year. So I think I’m going to do it again. And I started dating someone around that time and I said, listen,

You know, this is something that I’m, that I’m going to do in school year starts. And she said, do I, can I still drink? And I’m like, yeah, I don’t care. You can drink all you want. I just, I just, I’m not going to drink. I don’t want to get pressured into drinking. She was like, okay. So from 2013, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, to the end, to the end of the school year of, of June, 2021.

I did sober school years and then in the summer vacation, I would have a beer here and there, but especially as you know, I got into like 2018, 19, like I, it really, I didn’t feel like hat, even having a drink so much during the school year. Well, then when I took my leave in September of 2021, I’m like, well, I’m not with students. So I’ll just go ahead and I’ll have a drink whenever I feel like it. So when I started off on, on, in Portugal,

was very, I regularly would have a drink here, there and everywhere. And, and after I resigned, I kind of was going through this phase of, I, I, I’m really not clear on what it is that I want to do now that I like, I’m leaving 21 years of education. This is all I’ve ever known. so now what? And I, we, we had a conversation with Carrie Schwerer, who is a gray area drinking expert.

love Carrie Schwerer. It’s episode 50. It’s somewhere in the 50s. But yeah, we had a conversation with Carrie Schwerer and she was just, she was really spectacular. I told her, Carrie, you know what?

You know, having this conversation with you, I’m going to Mexico for a month. And I think I’m just going to, I just think I’m just going to ride out the next few months here without drinking. And she was like, I’m so proud of you. Go for it. So I kind of put myself back into the, all right, I’m going to go to Mexico, stay sober, you know, March or around, stay sober. And then I went to Korea.

in April of 2022 for three months. And I said, all right, I’m going to I’m staying here till mid -June. I’ll go back to the States. That’ll kind of like be my the end of this run. Well, I actually stayed in Korea and and like, OK, well, this is my second go around in Seoul. I can have a couple of drinks with with friends. And Korea has a really heavy drinking culture. So it was hard to say no.

But then I’m like, okay, but the thing is I’ve got a handle on this. This isn’t, this doesn’t have a hold on me like it used to, especially when I was in my twenties. and, and I’m able to kind of manage this. So then I kind of went through the next year and just periodically would have a drink. But then on my birthday, August 12th, 2023, that was the last time that I had a drink. And so now I’ve got it in my head like,

I think I’m just going to go an entire year without drinking. I’ve never gone 365 days without drinking. I think that sounds kind of neat. So I haven’t had a drink since then. And I don’t know if I’ll have a drink on my birthday or anything like that. I’ll make a point of doing it. But it’s just something that has kind of helped me clear my mind. Even if I have a beer, I feel terrible the next day.

Julie hilsen (29:24)
Hmm.

Billy (29:24)
So I just have a headache. It just, I think my body is just like, we, we drank enough when we were younger. We don’t need to do this anymore. So, there are moments when I’m like, yeah, it’s kind of a nice day. I don’t mind having a beer right now. or I saw some of the other day had a really cool mug of beer while we were eat at out to dinner. And I was like, that looks good. I don’t mind having that, but I just have it in my head. Like, nah, this is, this is something that,

that you don’t need to do. And like truth be told, I’m in Chiang Mai, there are weed shops everywhere around here. And I’m like, should, maybe I should, maybe I could just do that. But I’m like, nah, you know what? I’m, I want to do this whole year sober. I’ve never done 365 days sober. So I’m going to do that. And, and again, it’s, I don’t want to make light of people who struggle with alcohol and who are.

are addicted to alcohol, who are alcoholics. Like that is a real, real struggle for me. It was just more of a, I don’t like, I I’m a better person when I am not drinking, especially if I’m not drinking regularly. So, and I don’t feel good the next day when I have it. So I’m just not going to drink for a while.

So there’s this sober curious campaign that’s out there. I guess if you want to call it that, that’s sort of what I am, is just a sober curious person, a sober explorer because I’m traveling around the world now at this point.

Julie hilsen (31:00)
Yeah, I can relate to what you’re talking about. I mean, it’s, it dulls your experience and, and your joy. So if you’re dedicated to living and immersing yourself in those moments that separate, you know, times of trial versus times of joy, which both are needed, like the dark blade of grass shows you how bright the other one is, like the hard times help us see how the good times are to be cherished. So when you’re,

when you’re dulling your senses or the next day is affected because you got that high and no judgment. I probably over drank. I went to school in Milwaukee. I mean, that’s just what we did.

Billy (31:43)
Yeah. Yeah. I grew up in the Midwest too. So, you know what, there’s nothing else to do because it’s cold for seven months out of the year. So you just hunker down and you have a beer and a lot of times that turns into 12. So, and you know, the other thing too, you know, I think about this, you know, alcohol gives you this liquid courage. Lord knows, that I’m a much better dancer when I’ve been, been drinking, but I think to myself now like,

Julie hilsen (31:48)
Yeah, it’s cool.

Mm -hmm.

Billy (32:10)
can I summon that courage on my own? They like wouldn’t do what I think that would be fun to be able to just summon that courage on my own because then it feels a little bit more authentic and it’s not it’s not coerced by by alcohol. So and the other thing, too, is then then it really does become a challenge to to release inhibitions.

because that I mean, alcohol is great at that alcohol is great at releasing inhibitions, but sometimes when we release our inhibitions, we make some really bad decisions. And Lord knows that that a lot of bad decisions have been made by me when I’ve been drinking. So I’m like, how am I able to release inhibition without the use of alcohol, still make good decisions, still have a good time, still not be obnoxious and annoy the people around me.

Julie hilsen (33:05)
Yeah, yeah. And that’s that’s what it is. It’s if to me, I did some soul searching, like, what do I like about that? And it’s like, well, I like to like the inhibitions gone and I, you know, I laugh easier, whatever, you know, it’s just like this freedom. And when you can practice mindfulness, you realize you get that same even an extended high when you find it from inside yourself.

And maybe the alcohol is there to show us that it’s possible. You know, the people who do these micro -dosing and no judgment, you know. But what, you’re getting connection to your spirituality, but you can also get that through mindfulness. Like you don’t need something from outside of yourself if you are curious about living in bliss.

look inside because it’s all there. It’s just these substances pull it out. And then I became quite attuned to the idea that entities can affect me more easily if I’m altered. And anger can come up faster and my impatience can come up faster. And so it stopped being like a joyful thing when I was like, my gosh, I’m opening up my soul to something because my aura gets depleted.

And intuitively, I started picking up on that. And it might sound like crazy and someone might judge me and say, well, she’s lost it. But I really felt it. I really felt like my soul was being permeated by weakening my aura, having a drink. And so I’m like, there’s something to this. There’s really something to this. And you have to be so firm in your reasoning and your values behind it because,

It’s just part of a routine. And if I can hold a glass of sparkling water with a lime wedge in it, people think it’s a vodka tonic. So does it matter? I’m not trying to pose, but I can’t order the sugar. Those mocktails are full of sugar, and that makes me feel just as bad as alcohol. The only sugar I’m going to have is a chocolate mousse cake or something really worth the sugar. I’m not going to just drink.

Billy (34:58)
Yeah. Yeah.

Mm.

Julie hilsen (35:14)
you know, soda, because that’s not the kind of sugar I want.

Billy (35:18)
I’m a dessert person. I order dessert every time I go out to eat, but I do it to your point though. I don’t do the mocktails, but the reason, only reason I don’t do the mocktails is because they’re so expensive. So like every night, I think I maybe will have a mocktail once a year, you know, just that kind of thing where I’m like, you know, I’m feeling fancy. Let me get me, give me a mocktail right here. So, otherwise, no, I’m just, I just, I’m, I’m good with water.

Julie hilsen (35:21)
Yeah.

Yeah, baby.

Billy (35:45)
I like water. It’s funny, I have people when I’m traveling, they’re always like, you don’t drink? Why don’t you don’t drink? I just feel better when I don’t. I just don’t really do it anymore.

Julie hilsen (35:56)
Like you said, you’re a better person when you don’t. Like, it’s a better version.

Billy (35:59)
Yeah. Well, I don’t, I don’t like to tell people that because especially cause a lot of times it’s a first impression. So they’re like, what are you, are you, are you a bad person when you drink? It was like, no, I’m just like a better person. I just, I just like myself more when I’m not drinking. So yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I don’t need to be a gunslinger when I’m meeting people for the first time. So no, no. Thank you.

Julie hilsen (36:05)
Yeah.

Yeah.

You become Billy the Kid. Yeah, I totally hear you’re coming from and maybe maybe the people ask because they’re trying to summon their own courage. So just, you know, saying it in a matter of fact way is is the best answer, because when you shine bright, you’re attracting others to shine their brightness.

Billy (36:38)
Yeah.

Yeah. And if people out there are curious about, you know, how to be kind of sober curious, I’d love having that conversation with them. To me at the end of the day, it’s just, it’s like, Hey, you do you, right? So give it a shot. Do you go a whole week and just see how that feels. And if it feels good, do two weeks. And if it feels good, do three, do a month. What do you, what have you.

But also allow yourself to grace if you’re like, you know what, I’m going to have one. That’s fine too. But just to me, I just say, you know, hey, what Kerry always talks about is question the drink. So like, what is this drink really all about? What is the purpose of this drink? What is it? What need is it? Is it satisfying? And

Julie hilsen (37:14)
Yeah!

Hmm.

Billy (37:35)
Like for me, there isn’t a need to have a drink for any reason at this point, you know, outside like to socialize. I’m comfortable socializing with anybody without it. So, you know, it doesn’t act as a social lubricant for me at all. It’s just if I like the taste of it. Am I right? Well, there are a lot of things that I like the taste of. So I don’t necessarily need to do it. Now if I’m…

you know, if someone’s out there and they’re like, well, I’m numbing the pain. All right, let’s have that conversation then. Let’s say, well, what is the pain that, that you are numbing? Let’s explore that a little, a little deeper. And, and, and if, if it requires like a real help, let’s get you real help.

Julie hilsen (38:09)
Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. Yeah, it takes a lot of courage. And I applaud anyone who explores it, and I honor anyone who isn’t ready to make that step because it’s tricky. And we’re here to master these things. And sometimes checking out is a nice way to get new insight and wake up the next day. And to me, it ties into mindfulness.

Just be mindful of your choices, all your choices. Even if you watch a violent movie, that affects you. There’s all these things that we subject ourselves to. But it’s just, it’s really hard when you’re watching sporting events. March Madness is going on as we’re recording and every other, it’s like you want to order a pizza and drink a beer because that’s all the commercials are throwing at you. So it’s like.

so much food and alcohol is being thrown around. And then, you know, we went to visit a college campus last weekend and I was like ordering a sub and I was like, that beer looks really good. And I know that I don’t want a beer, but it’s part of our programming. And just realizing that it’s programming is a huge step. It’s like, okay, I’m subjecting myself to this scenario. And when multiple people make the same choices over and over in the same place,

Billy (39:24)
Hmm.

Julie hilsen (39:39)
It’s something to acknowledge that you’re in this energy field. And we don’t realize how many energy fields are around us all the time. And to step out of the vortex of what the mass population picks, it takes awareness and strength. And so, you know, I applaud anyone who’s willing to make a new energy vortex. Like, I’m challenging people, you know, like.

be aware, you know, and our resources are so limited right now with, you know, things costing more. And, you know, what’s wrong with making a conscious decision about how do you spend your time and your energy and your, and your money? So, and then it affects your health. You know, so many people are suffering with skin issues, with, you know, alcohol hurts, hurts your mind with depression at times, you know, like there’s, there’s a lot of layers. So.

It’s just something to explore, no pressure. And I love your take on it. It’s not all or nothing. Nothing’s black and white. We’re all part of this whole. Yeah.

Billy (40:31)
Hmm.

Yeah, we’re experimenting. Life is an experiment. So figure out what works for you and what leads you to feeling good. You don’t have to feel your best. We don’t have to optimize and maximize everything. We just feel satisfied with some things. So how can you feel a little bit more satisfied? How can you just feel a little bit

better. And you don’t have to get 1 % better each and every single day either. The stock market doesn’t get 1 % better, but over time, the stock market has increased. It has good days, it has bad days. But if you’ve invested in the stock market over a long period of time, you’ve made money. So if you invest in yourself over time, you’re going to have good days, you’re going to have bad days. But if you’re consistent with it, you’re disciplined with it, you’re patient with it, and you’re

compassionate with it. Over time you’re going to see those returns on your investments.

Julie hilsen (41:36)
And that helps you live your life of love. So this is a great way to conclude. And just showing up for yourself. I really appreciate this perspective. It’s just totally in alignment with everything that we’re striving for.

And you can also, don’t forget people, you can ask your angels, you can ask your guides, they’re around you at all times. They’re just waiting in the ethers, they’re part of our energy vortex, and they’re just waiting for you to say, hey, please help me here. And it’s okay to ask for help. We’re not on this alone. You have relatives, this is coming forth more and more, relatives hang out to help your soul ascension because that helps them too. And so.

You can ask your favorite aunt to help you pick out your substitute activity. Be creative. Show you what’s available. Because if you just tie into the Mass Collective, you’re going to get the Mass Collective answer. And maybe there’s something so much better. And I think that there’s so much coming forward. People are inventing new sports all the time because we want to be more present active and social.

And we don’t need to rely on a bottle to create a sense of community, right? Like we’re beyond that. So I love these things that are coming forth and, you know, just don’t forget the resources you have around you. It’s a beautiful world. Just so happy to be in it with everyone. And Billy, thank you for being on Life of Love. You really brought forth so many positive messages and reality. And, you know, this isn’t easy, but just take it day by day. You got this.

Billy (43:11)
Yeah, thank you for having me, I really appreciate it.

Julie hilsen (43:13)
Thank you. Anytime.