Introduction: Embracing Encouragement and Creativity

Julie Hilsen (00:10)
Hello, dear friends, and welcome to another episode of Life of Love, where we gather each week to bring forth messages for your highest good, to inspire and lift you up and keep your chin up. mean, things are really crazy lately. And so I know I cherish this time every week to record and create. And this week is a really fun one. I’m just so tickled, delighted to have David Ask on my podcast. He’s an entrepreneur, a creative and an encouraging.

Actually, he’s, this is the first we’ve had, the most encouraging person on the earth. he’s… Welcome to life of love, David.

David Ask (00:45)
That’s it.

I love it. Thank you. Thanks. You know, it’s funny, of course, you know, met, you know, online and I, in my podcast bio, you know, I often throw that out there and I, and what’s really funny, of course, I’m being a little facetious at the same time, you know, being the best encourager in the world is, it speaks to that playful side of me, but it also speaks to, you know, a really, really

intrinsically motivating place in me that I love to, you know, to loan courage to somebody or maybe the word is inspire, which means, you know, to breathe life into. I think that’s, you know, one of the reasons that God made me. So thanks for having me.

Julie Hilsen (01:31)
sure sure I’m a fellow. I like to call myself an activator. Like I activate people to maybe be curious or maybe I annoy people and that’s another activation button. Please everyone take what serves you and leave what doesn’t. We’re all here with a different frequency so wow today I’m just really excited. I always say I’m gonna pick someone’s brain but I love how you say you can’t stare at your own belly button forever.

But let’s go there. Let’s encourage people to stare at their belly buttons a little bit. I love that metaphor because I think of like a pudgy little toddler. And if everyone can think of themselves as their pudgy little two year old selves and just looking down at your little round belly with no judgments, just curiosity and be like, mom, what’s that? Let’s get there. Let’s get there because I want to talk about getting to know who you are and

Chapter 1: Discovering Your True North: Embracing Your Unique Identity

David Ask (02:16)
Thank

Julie Hilsen (02:27)
To me, that was the foundation of your work, is that your purpose in knowing what you’re here for, your why, is only secondary to knowing the who. And that resonated with me so much. So I’d love for you to get some, or I to share some background on how you came to that and.

I know your story is going to weave into this because you’ve had so many entrepreneur successes and your life has been very rich. any stories that are relevant, I’m delighted to hear that too.

David Ask (02:48)
Yeah.

Yeah, well, thanks. Yeah, they, you know, it’s interesting. I, about six years ago, I met a guy that’s in my mastermind group, Dr. Andy Garrett. He’s a clinical psychologist and, you know, become a dear friend of mine. work together now quite a bit. And, you know, like you kind of mentioned throughout your life, you know, you, you have some, you know, some of, some idea typically of kind of what, you know, what lights you up, what doesn’t, you know, your, your tendencies, proclivities, whatever you want to call it.

And I went through his program, which he calls the True North Blueprint. And I love the name around that. And he explains that like this. says, you know, most people, you know, would say if they want to head in a certain direction, you know, they would grab a compass, you know, and, okay, here’s north, right? We’re going to head there. But what’s fascinating is, you know, compass is constantly reading, you know, the magnetic field around it. And you’re going to get close.

to north, right? But whereas true north is like geo points, right? It’s a GPS coordinates that are actually defined to a really specific point. The specificity, I that word, is really clear. And so I think as we’re growing up quite often, we start reading the room, like the magnetic field, as it were, right? We’re kind of.

Julie Hilsen (04:14)
good.

David Ask (04:24)
playing a little bit of a role, especially early on, we get rewarded for certain behaviors, right? We get claps and smiles, or we might get a funny look, or somebody gets mad at us, or that kind of thing if we do certain things. So we’re kind of conditioned, as it were, to start playing a little bit of a role. And of course, when we start to mature in our ability to think and so on, we

you know, we then have the luxury to start, you know, identifying, right, the word identity, you know, what God made in us. And we’re incredibly unique from a really early age. And I think it’s really fascinating when you start to identify those things with, you know, specificity, how you start to feel more comfortable in your own skin and, you know, you kind of predetermine the things that you’re going to say yes and no to.

you know, in advance of an obstacle or an opportunity. And I think it’s really important to have, you know, clarity around, you know, who you are, because then you’re, like you mentioned, your why starts to take, you know, shape, you know, of the who, as opposed to, you know, if you don’t have that question answered, your why might be somebody else’s why.

Julie Hilsen (05:35)
Right, you could be influenced, could be distracted from what you’re… I like to… I got into values and it became more when I became a mom because I wanted to know our family values. What are we gonna fall back on? And I always liked sports and so we always have this metaphor of we’re a team with our family and how…

David Ask (05:38)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Julie Hilsen (06:01)
what’s your role right now? And everyone switches roles every once in a while, like that value of being dependable, being honest, being true to somebody. So it’s always something that you explore on your own, but maybe not everyone has gone down that road to do that. So it’s a little bit like, wow.

David Ask (06:15)
Yeah.

Sure.

Julie Hilsen (06:29)
Well, was this something that served me or is this something that served whatever I was brought up in and maybe it’s not valid anymore. So there’s questions to be asked and I love how you that true North is that’s a really elusive thing. You just try to get as close as you can. And you know, if you ever think about it, North is straight up. Compasses are strange things. you really think about it, it’s like this needle going on this plane.

David Ask (06:50)
Yeah, yeah.

Julie Hilsen (06:57)
I was trying to explain it. was like, well, we never go straight up. We’re going north on the grid. You know, we’re going, it’s sort of funny. So that relativity is always something that can keep you curious about, well, you know, this is my north right now, but you know, tomorrow might be different and it’s okay. The needle, there’s a needle adjusting and you’re looking for the best you can do. So, and that gives us grace, I guess, to accept where we are.

David Ask (07:05)
Yeah.

Hmm.

I love that you said, by the way, you know, your, your team, you know, and your family and so on. think it’s really important to have, you know, an identity as a family, especially when your kids are young. In fact, years ago for Christmas, had, my last name is actually pronounced Ask. There’s a, my, my heritage is Norwegian. There’s a town in Norway named Ask, but I had team Ask, shirts made. And, in fact, we’re going to surprise now my teenage.

you know, children with a new team ask some hats and shirts for Christmas this year and so on. But it’s fascinating because I, know, that kind of a macro identity, you know, as the, you know, I take my role as the dad very seriously and I want to lead my family well and, you know, and with clarity and honesty and integrity and love and everything. And I think it was Seth Godin who first coined that phrase, people like us do things like this.

Julie Hilsen (08:00)
Nice.

David Ask (08:24)
And I really, I think that’s fascinating. Not only, of course, when you’re leading young children, you should have a a clear sense of direction and that clear sense that, people like us do things like this. Children especially are looking for certainty. But also, of course, as an individual, it’s fascinating that when you say someone like me, I do things like this.

it’s powerful because if you don’t have a sense of that, if there’s a kind of a vague understanding, you know, you kind of have that question mark inside of you. and, then kind of the, you know, reading the room is it where it kind of takes over and you start playing a role again, as opposed to, you know, having real clarity on how I want to show up, you know, for, you know, of course those I love, but I mean, heck, what if I’m at the grocery store or gas station or

whatever that might be. don’t want to have a question mark in that area that those things that I value and the type of impact I want to have and so on.

Chapter 2: Belonging and Mission: The Power of Knowing Who You Are

Julie Hilsen (09:28)
That’s so beautiful. And to me, it’s like knowing your divinity. People like us do things like this. It’s like you have this inner, and it’s not arrogance. It’s your identity. It’s your knowing you’re dignified, that your presence is impactful and also the free will that this is our choice. It’s just on so many levels. It’s great because there’s…

David Ask (09:56)
It’s, you know, it’s kind of neat. I remember when I started hanging out with Dr. Andy, you know, he started, you know, kind of clarifying some things in this arena, like around the vocabulary, you know, for instance, you know, the word authenticity, you know, in and of itself, that word, even identity are quite misused quite often. And, you know, I like, you know, for instance, the word authenticity, you know, where do we even get that word? And it comes from the word author.

Julie Hilsen (09:57)
Get into it.

David Ask (10:24)
And what I think is really fascinating is, you know, we do have a lot of free will, but there are some things that of course we didn’t choose. We can’t choose. I mean, for instance, I didn’t choose, I didn’t make me, right? I didn’t choose my eye color, my taste buds, my skin color, you know, and things like that. I mean, and here’s a fascinating thing. I mean, since you have children, you’ll kind of get this. We don’t really even choose our own personalities.

We get to choose what we do with those things. But those of us who have kids, we know that they come out of the gate really different. I mean, I’m talking weeks and especially months old. You can tell the little spirit in your child is just so different. I mean, it’s almost hard to describe in some way, but of course, everything from what makes them cry to laugh or their different tendencies and so on, from an early age, it’s so…

wonderful how unique they are. You know, we’ve got a DNA of a fingerprint and a retina that’s, you know, very, very different. But what’s, what’s really neat is, is, you know, children are not, you know, I guess stuck in their heads like we are quite often, you know, where they’re, I mean, children of up until, you know, what five or six or seven years old or something, they’re not thinking about, I want to be authentic. You know, I want to express my identity.

They’re just doing their deal. But what, right? But when the world hurts, when you start to, you get insulted or teased or bullied, or there’s some type of an external influence that hurts, well, then you start questioning a lot of that stuff. Am I good enough? Are those things that are really natural to me? What if somebody doesn’t like that? So you kind of…

Julie Hilsen (11:52)
Mm -hmm.

David Ask (12:17)
quite often you start shutting down in some of those ways. And, you know, we think of, you know, students in school with peer pressure and things like that, you know, it’s amazing how some of that stuff takes over. know, Dr. Andy was explaining one time, you know, the clinical term self -actualization. You know, of course, teenagers, they get into that mode where quite often, you know, parents are like, man, those teen years were hard. They start pushing back and testing boundaries and all that kind of thing. But it’s really a natural time.

you know, for a young person to start carving out, you know, those things that are very natural to them. And, you know, sometimes that can get a little sticky and, you know, whatever else. But I think it’s wonderful that, you know, when someone starts to, again, you know, identify literally right down, you know, those things that are most true about them, and they start acting in alignment with, you know, again, that, you know, your authenticity.

you start to feel authentic, you start to feel natural, you start to feel comfortable in your own skin. But when you don’t, of course, you start to feel anxious, you start to feel imposter syndrome, you start to question, you know, are these people gonna like me? And sometimes apathy and avoidance and things like that can take over. So I think it’s really important to, you know, be asked the right questions and to identify the most powerful, precious, courageous, goosebump driven places in us.

and remove that big question mark.

Julie Hilsen (13:46)
of that. And I don’t know if you want to share any of the story, the Toy Story metaphor that you sent me before we connected.

David Ask (13:55)
Yeah. So, you know, it’s funny one morning I woke up and I, my mornings are typically, you know, get up, grab my coffee, pet the dogs and I’ll sit down and, you know, read, pray and journal and so on. And I, and I, I remember praying that morning, you know, like, God show me something this morning that I’m, that I need to hear. And I, and I wrote a little bit of a short story about an orphan in, out in an alleyway. And so I’ll

I’ll kind of tell that story just briefly. It might be a little long for a podcast, but you so you picture maybe yourself, you know, as an orphan out in an alleyway, you know, your home is made of, you know, pallets and old blankets and some, you know, tin roofing and it’s cold and it’s dark and, you know, there’s that, yeah, and nobody cares about you. And the story goes that, you know, one day the orphan decided to look in the window of the toy store that he was next to.

And when he looked in the window, the toy maker was staring through that small pane of glass that he was, you know, had dared to look through. And they made eye contact. And of course, the orphan was startled by that and kind of recoiled back into the night. But as he was sitting there, he was thinking, you know, very curiously, what was the expression on his face? It seemed so good. It seemed so inviting. And

So the next day he says, all right, I’m gonna go back and look and just check it out again, right? But his heart was telling him, maybe there’s somebody in there that cares about me. So when he looks back in the window, the toy maker was looking in the same direction as if he’d never taken his eyes away from that pane of glass. And he looks into the eyes of the orphan and smiles and motions, come on in here. And of course in that moment,

you know, the orphan starts to hear some music and he feels the ground under him moving until he’s standing inside next to the toy maker. And the toy maker looks at him and says, Hey, welcome. You know, glad you’re here. You know, puts his arm around him and smiles and chuckles. And, just then one of the workers in this mo, you know, this incredible toy store, you know, grabs him by the hand and says, Hey, I need your help over here. Would you help me? And he swept into, you know, the

the revelry, the beauty, the mission that’s on hyperdrive inside of this toy store, right? They’re making toys. They’re packaging things up. They’re sending things out. They’re meeting people at the curb. And they’re on a mission, right, to make beautiful things for beautiful people. And it’s not long, right, the same day that the orphan realizes that nobody cares about his dirty and very unacceptable clothing. You know, he’s part of

this good and great work. And, you know, he’s, you know, kind of invited into that world into that family. And what I, what was interesting is I was as I was kind of processing that journal entry is really what it was. You know, I was kind of picturing myself, you know, as the orphan, because I think there’s an orphan in all of us, right? We get up in the morning and we’re like, man, am I good enough, right?

you are people going to want to hear what I have to say? You what if I share something that’s really powerful and meaningful to me and the response I get is not, you know, what I was hoping or I get rejected. You know, there’s that scared person in all of us. And at the same time,

Julie Hilsen (17:25)
Yeah, that hit me. That hit me. That’s when I read it. was like, I’m the little orphan and God is inviting me into the toy store.

Chapter 3: Affirmation and Validation: Building Self-Esteem and Confidence

David Ask (17:28)
Yeah.

Yeah, and what if, what if, you know, every one of us, you know, could become the toy maker, right? Like, what would it look like, you know, for David and Julie to be looking around and saying, hey, come over here a second. You know, whether you’re in a lunchroom with a bunch of kids, right, and there’s somebody sitting alone or whatever that looks like the low I love the idea of finding the loneliest person in the room and saying, hey, dude, come over here, you belong here.

But here’s the fascinating thing. For me, it’s not just about belonging, right? It’s not just about feeling safe and wanted. That should be a given. We were made for a purpose. There’s work to be done. whether it’s a blade of grass or, I mean, really everything we can see, taste, and touch was created for a purpose. Maybe not wasps. I like to clarify that because I don’t like wasps.

You know what I mean? It’s like everything was made for a reason and especially human beings, right? We are those who can think about our own thinking. We are those who have eternity woven into us. And I just think that right now, of course, my main mission is dads, but I think in general people, they don’t see that. They don’t understand that they were made in the image.

you know, of the great one. And they not only do they not see that for themselves, they don’t see that in others, they treat themselves poorly and they treat others poorly. And I think that identity, right, is getting back to this idea that the great author, you know, wrote something and I’m talking to the DNA level, right? Your DNA is something that is can never be replicated statistically, it can’t. It’s billions of pieces of information that make you

you know, so unique. And man, I just, I love this idea of shining a spotlight on people’s uniqueness, you know, saying, Hey, you belong here. What do you want to do? We’ve got work to do. Like there’s, we’re on, we’re on mission to sabotage, you know, darkness. And, and I feel like, you know, that’s what causes me to get up in the morning.

Julie Hilsen (19:48)
I know whenever I second guess like my podcast or any even and that’s why I start every time I’m like God work through me and for me to bring forth that message because I know that if I put it in his hands it’s all gonna be the way it should be and that’s how I get the courage to come and be myself and show up and know that I have the best

David Ask (20:04)
Yeah.

Julie Hilsen (20:12)
comment or question at that moment for whatever reason. So yeah, I just appreciate I appreciate your take on it because it resonates and and I think it’s important to just be vulnerable and say, yeah, sometimes it’s hard sometimes it’s hard to put yourself out there. And yeah.

Chapter 4: Empowering Boys: The Guardians of Grit Program

David Ask (20:16)
Awesome, absolutely.

totally is. Yeah, darn right. It’s hard. Life is hard. It’s there. You know, I think that I think you and I are probably kindred spirits in the fact that, you know, I don’t necessarily want to think about the hard stuff, right? I want to focus on, on the good things. At the same time, you know, there’s this idea of salty and sweet, right? You can’t know the good unless you have, you know, the salt. I mean, it’s like there’s, you know, that you can’t, you can’t have one without the other. And

And I think too that, you know, this idea of mission is just so important to all of us. You mentioned at the beginning, by the way, you know, staring at your own belly button. And of course I’m having a little fun with that, but I think it’s really important. You know what? You do need to stare at yourself for a while and build some self -awareness and drive a stake in the ground as opposed to, those values, convictions, virtues, which are all different by the way, you know.

Julie Hilsen (21:08)
So good.

David Ask (21:23)
know, goosebumps. What is it? I like it’s from a Nissan commercial. What gives your goosebumps, goosebumps? You know, those things that just really, really make you come alive and the things that you really believe. And to have a vague understanding of that, you’re probably going to be a bit, well, how should I say it? You’re going to lack, I think, impact. You’re going to have a bit of a watered down impact on your family, especially, and, you know, and those that are around you.

Julie Hilsen (21:43)
Mm

David Ask (21:49)
when you get really clear on that stuff, then you can have a really clear impact on people and it’s just really fun to be yourself.

Julie Hilsen (21:55)
Yeah. And then I love, saw it somewhere it was written that said, other people’s opinions of you are none of your business. I love that one. Like, yeah, that’s so good. You know, like I’m just doing the best I can.

David Ask (22:02)
Isn’t that great? Yeah.

Yeah. Well, and of course, you know, when we think of that, we think of, you know, negativity or something, somebody saying something that, you know, would be a detractor of some sort. But here’s, here’s what’s awesome. You know, I know that there’s a, there’s a few people that I’ve even met lately that I’ve never actually never met in person. And, you know, they’ve, they’ve found some posts that I made and they’ve reached out and so on. And I’ve had some conversations with some, some men and after talking to them, I can tell that no one has ever.

affirmed them. No one has ever validated their greatest good. No one has ever said, you know, hey dude, you’re made of awesome. And I want to get the shovel out and start digging here. And of course, I like this idea of as a dad doing that for my kids. And I think it’s really important. I don’t know if I sent this in my email to you, but my favorite quote, and I think you’re going to love this is,

Julie Hilsen (22:50)
Mm.

David Ask (23:03)
by guy named Benjamin Disraeli. He’s a former PM of England back in the day. But he uses the phrase, the greatest good you can do for another is not to share with him your riches, but to reveal to him his own. And I just think, what a mandate for people to live a life where you’re looking at someone else, but in the back of your mind, right, you’ve got a shovel and you’re kind of digging for some stuff.

And when they do or say something or you can tell they’re stepping out of their comfort zone and doing something that’s meaningful or daring, you know, you’re like, hey, I saw that. That was really good. And I think, you know, what a gift to give somebody.

The Importance of Fathers in Raising Uncrushable Children

Julie Hilsen (23:47)
yeah, mean, people have no idea how that acknowledgement can be so, so powerful. So that segues into your mission with boys and your Guardians of Grit. I really wanted to have, we have like a few more minutes to talk, but I don’t want to rush through it because to me this sacred masculine is so precious. And so if you’d like to…

David Ask (23:53)
Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Julie Hilsen (24:15)
share about that and what you’re doing for our sons. mean…

David Ask (24:20)
Yeah, yeah, I really have a heart, you know, I had a great father and I so appreciate, you know, the values and things that he instilled in me. There was never a day that I didn’t hear from him, hey, I love you, you know, and, you know, probably a bear hug. mean, literally every day of my life. And so many don’t get that. And the reason that I chose, you know, the book title that I’m working on, Guardians of Grit, is two reasons really, you know,

you cannot give away something you don’t have. So I really believe that if fathers are going to raise, uncrushable, right? They’re going to get knocked down and beat up, right? That’s life. But to become uncrushable means I have an internal constitution. I have the values and the convictions and virtues and all those things identified that fuel, right? I mean, everything from eternal beliefs to

you who I am and what my mission is, plus a support system, right? To do hard things over a long period of time, right, grit, because what’s on the other side of that hill is worth fighting for. If you want to build a beautiful life for yourself and those you love, you’re going to have to do hard things. And by the way, that might mean you just have to have a conversation tonight. You know, a long period of time is a matter of perception.

It might be a long day knowing that you’re going to have to have a conversation tonight. You know, that might be difficult and awkward. But guess what? So many people don’t even have those moments, right? Let alone, let alone doing other things, you know, that might take weeks, months or years. And so I think that for me, it’s really about, you know, this idea of, dad, I’m going to I want to introduce you to yourself so that you can hold up a mirror to your son.

Julie Hilsen (25:59)
Right, right?

Guarding the Heart: The Wellspring of Life

David Ask (26:16)
and say, hey, do you see what I see? Let’s start mining for gold. Whatever you’re into, I’m into. Whatever lights you up, I’m going to get under that and lift it up as high as I can. This idea of raising children, what does that really mean? It’s causing them to rise. And out of insecurity, out of imposter syndrome, out of fear, things like that. And here’s something else too.

mean, even scriptures say that, you know, above all, guard your heart. So I really believe that guardian of grit is really more about, you know, guarding your heart. It’s the absolute wellspring of life. And if you don’t understand what it is, where it is, and that you really should be guarding it, you know, you’re going to have a lot of influences and things that you bring into your life that’ll probably take you off track.

Julie Hilsen (27:13)
Yeah, and that’s just so relevant to me right now because I’ve been reading the Aramaic interpretation of the Lord’s Prayer, the original.

David Ask (27:23)
Interesting. I’ve never, I’ve never read that. That’s fascinating.

Julie Hilsen (27:27)
And it part of the prayer is honoring that sacred place in your heart. And that’s part of the original what Jesus said in his native tongue to the common people in Aramaic. And it’s just been really, really great. like, the, and the visualization that you’re, you’re guided to go through when you’re reading this.

David Ask (27:43)
Hmm. That’s interesting. Yeah.

Julie Hilsen (27:55)
anyone wants to look into it, a great output. I’ll put the book in the show comments because it’s just, I keep rereading. It’s not a big book. I keep rereading it in the the action steps at the end of each line. It’s like it hits me different every time I read it. So I know it’s deep. It’s very deep. But you spend a lot of time with the sound and the word. And then you let it resonate in your heart chamber. In your heart chamber is the sacred place where you’re

David Ask (28:10)
Interesting. I’ve never heard of that. I’d like to, I’ll look into that too. That’s great.

Julie Hilsen (28:25)
where your God is, where your divinity is. And it’s just gooey. It’s just really wonderful. And the more you can come back to that, and I think that’s what people sometimes get out of meditation, but there’s many different ways to get to that. Maybe it’s listening to birds or having quiet time, whatever brings you to the calm. It’s like this theta brainwave. You’re not asleep. Everything’s just really calm.

David Ask (28:29)
Hmm.

Hmm. Interesting.

Julie Hilsen (28:53)
and then you connect to your heart. So yeah, was one of the reasons I really love to get into my sound bath crystal bowls is because that really gets into my heart. And then I try to share that light. But yeah, so when you say this, you know about how…

David Ask (29:06)
Hmph.

Julie Hilsen (29:12)
you guard your heart, the guardians of grit. It’s just, it’s so pertinent and that’s gonna give us strength to be authentic and show our kids that it’s worthwhile, that it’s worthwhile to be yourself. And you know, you’re right, it’s us showing up and then the world’s not such a crazy limitless place when there’s foundations and even limitations. I remember when my little boy, my 21 year old was two.

David Ask (29:25)
Hmm.

Julie Hilsen (29:42)
I’d be like Reese, you have boundaries. You can’t do this. This is a boundary. And you’d be like, I have boundaries. Yes, you do. It was so fun. That’s why I love, people say terrible twos. I say terrific twos. I think the two -year -old, because they’re so authentic. I mean, they can go from a scream down fit to like just complete nap within 30 seconds.

David Ask (29:52)
Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Julie Hilsen (30:10)
so fun. It’s like, they’re just raw.

David Ask (30:10)
Isn’t that great? Yeah, I remember those times well. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I remember you said something that made me think of this idea of there’s a friend of mine actually had breakfast with him this morning. He has a kind of a men’s mission and it revolves around the word plumb line, you know, and I love this idea. Dr. Andy talks about, you know, course correcting, you know, quite often, right? Because, you on any given day, you know, we’re

Shifting Perspectives: Changing the Way We See Challenges

We’re kind of back and forth and back and forth. But I think it’s so important, again, kind of have those GPS coordinates or a plumb line that you’re measuring, as it were, everything else against that straight edge. so think it’s so many people, they’ve just never been introduced to that concept. It’s more about what kind of feels good in the moment as opposed to what reality is. And I think it’s really important that

You know, we live in a world with boundaries, right? We live in a world that, you know, that there’s some confines and things like that. And, you know, that freedom is, I think, sometimes, you know, kind of misunderstood. You know, there’s, you know, if you act inside of your nature, I mean, on a physical level, right? If I go in the ocean and try to act like a shark, I’m not going to thrive. You know, and if I try to act like my older brother, right? If I, seriously, if I start looking up to somebody, whether it’s

somebody on TV or some talking head that I admire and I’ve never done that work internally and I try to act like someone else or be, take on their cause or whatever that is, it’s gonna feel very unnatural. It’s gonna be exhausting for one thing, but it’s gonna feel very, very debilitating in a lot of ways. But when we’ve, you you know.

gained radical clarity on what that plumb line is for ourselves. Again, mind, body, and spirit, what do you believe that this idea of, like you mentioned values, I can’t imagine there’s many people listening to this who haven’t heard the term core values. But I like to of flip it on its head or drive it home a bit further and say, what does your core happen to value most of all?

And what’s really fascinating is going through Dr. Andy’s program, there’s a core values assessment. He has bit of a different take on it, but it’s interesting because in the English language and wherever your, whatever language you speak, have to choose your words. But there’s roughly 80 or so core values in the English language. And of course there’s some overlap. But what’s interesting is when you start, put a check mark next to the ones that resonate with you and you narrow that down to

you 10, you narrow that down to five. It’s neat how it’s very different for each person. And if you put those in order, it’s fascinating how, you know, you start to describe your core, you know, this, these are some things that are really immovable, you know, you know, inside of me. And then of course, convictions are different than values, right? Convictions are what do you believe is right and wrong? And so you start nailing some of those things down.

Julie Hilsen (33:00)
Mm -hmm.

David Ask (33:22)
And then virtues, which is this idea of dent in the universe, right? Like what impact do I want to have on others? And when people start to identify those things, with real clarity, again, write them down, identify those things. It’s fascinating how that plumb line becomes something that is very comforting. It’s very, you’re describing your true essence.

You’re describing your soul as it were. And so when you’re in the ditch or you’re feeling fragmented or overwhelmed or whatever that is, it’s not a matter of what you’re course correcting to, it’s who you’re course correcting to. And I think it’s really important to establish those things. And otherwise, you get up in the morning and lick your finger and stick it in the air and see which way the wind is blowing and here we go. And that is an absolute recipe for disaster.

Julie Hilsen (34:13)
Right.

Mm -hmm. You’re right. you you’d pick certain friends to hang out with. You’d feed yourself certain things because you’d realize how the food that isn’t optimal for you isn’t serving you. And it just seems to make things simple. But not easy, but simple.

David Ask (34:22)
Yeah.

Totally.

Yeah. I love that. no, yeah, but here’s the funny thing. The simplicity around it, yeah, you really nailed it. And at the same time, it does become easier. You know, if we walk into a room, as it were, and we’re there maybe to sell something, right? You’re at work or you’re at a convention and you don’t have that internal constitution, what’s really happening is you’re looking for something.

You’re looking to be fed. You’re looking to be told something as opposed to feeling very full of heart. And now you’re scanning the room thinking, who needs David Osk right now? Right? I’m looking for the lonely person in the room. And because I’m not the lonely person in the room anymore. And there’s a big difference. so I think that the internal posture will…

reflect our external mission in a very, very quick way.

Julie Hilsen (35:36)
Yeah, and to me that’s ultimate timeline shifting. Because things can happen really fast when you tune into that and life can change in just a perception. So I want to hold on to that.

The Essence of Life: The Importance of Relationships

David Ask (35:45)
Yeah.

Yeah, and changes. Yeah, I’m with you. Yeah, yeah, your, the perspective on things is a, I’ve actually made a post about that on my, my Facebook page a couple of days ago and perspective is, it’s really fascinating how it can change your view of things in real hurry.

Julie Hilsen (36:05)
My goodness, we’re coming up on our time and I’m really happy about what came forward and I want to give you a chance to, you know, if there’s anything else you want to share, anything on your heart.

David Ask (36:17)
Well, thanks. Yeah, I’m really glad to be here with you. you know, I think that I always like to leave people with that quote, you know, from Disraeli. It’s like, to me, that’s how you love somebody, right? The greatest good you can do for another is not to share with him your riches, although there’s some of that that’s kind of fun and great. But the greatest good is to reveal to him his own. So what would that look like, you know, if your posture towards especially your children and your spouse

is more akin to, hey, do you see what I see? You’re just made of something spectacular and I really want to get behind that. I wanna get underneath that so I can lift it up. And I think that to love someone’s character, to love someone’s values, to love someone’s goosebumps, right? That’s about as good as it gets. So it’s a great place to start.

Julie Hilsen (37:12)
And, you know, I struggled with that at first because I was raised in a very competitive household for kids and just everything was competition. And I think that’s why I love sports so much because I could go out in the field or the court or the cross country chat track and just, you know, show my parents that I was valid and worthy, you know, whatever.

David Ask (37:21)
I bet, Yeah.

Huh.

Julie Hilsen (37:35)
and the same respect. I knew that I wanted to value and I wanted to do a little differently because sometimes you, you I studied child psychology in college, you know, like I studied speech language development and I know how important these years are where you’re raising your kids and they’re getting their identity. But even so, I had trouble finding the words to say it that it didn’t sound phony. So I had to

David Ask (38:02)
Right?

Julie Hilsen (38:03)
I just start with like little things, like not little things, but it’s like, honey, you worked really hard all day. I know you saw a lot of pain. My husband’s a foot and ankle surgeon. I’ll be like, I know you helped a lot of people today and I can tell. And so I just started bringing up things that I could see that he did. And, know, even acknowledging when it’s harder, you know, when things aren’t easy to acknowledge that they’re not easy.

and that it’s okay. And just validating that someone’s struggling or validating that someone’s having a bad day is so freeing because then they’re like, they don’t have to pretend like they’re having a good day because that’s, yeah.

David Ask (38:44)
Isn’t that a gift? Isn’t that such a gift? I heard somebody use the phrase the other day, just hold space for someone. And it’s a real gift to, yeah, when you can tell someone’s, you know, having a hard day or they tell you something and just to sit there, you know, with them. I remember one day my sister, she and I are very close and she probably knows me better than I know me, but she called me one day and she said, hey, can I just sit with you? Like we’re on a phone call.

And I’m like, you know what? She goes, I just want to sit with you in silence today. And I’ll be honest, like it was one of the most powerful 15 minutes I had had in years.

Julie Hilsen (39:26)
my gosh, I just want to cry. That is so beautiful.

David Ask (39:28)
Yeah. And I mean, it’s, I feel like I probably need to give that gift to somebody else. I just thought of that. I hadn’t thought about that in quite some time here until you kind of mentioned that. I, that train of thought there, but I mean, it’s, it’s, it’s really amazing how complex we are. Right. I mean, there’s so many complexities and that can change from day to day, but then there’s also things in us that are absolute bedrock. There are things that don’t change.

So I think it’s really important to stand upon the rocks, right, that we build our lives upon that are values, know, virtues based and identify those literally just write them down. Somebody just needs to ask you those questions in the right format and the right progression. And it’s amazing how you can nail down your identity. It’s not, it’s not, you know, woohoo nonsense. It’s quite practical in fact, but at the same time inside of that, right? How are you going to wield

Julie Hilsen (40:15)
Mm -hmm.

No.

David Ask (40:25)
you know, like a sword, how are you going to wield all of that, you know, beautiful complexity to love the person next to you? Because that’s what life is all about. I’ll make one last comment here. I heard someone say that life is all about relationships. And then he stopped and he said, it’s all relationship. The rest is a context. We were made for relationships. The rest is a context.

to experience relationship in. That doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy lakes and mountains and music and the whole nine yards, right? But picture this. If you’re standing next to the Grand Canyon or you’re walking around in your own castle for 10 years alone, it becomes a prison, right? It becomes nothing. But if you’re walking around in your castle, which might be a beautiful tent in your backyard, by the way, with your kids, it becomes glory.

Julie Hilsen (41:13)
Thank

David Ask (41:24)
It’s everything, right? It’s all relationship. It’s the relationship that gives meaning to laying in a tent in your backyard with your children. And you don’t care that it’s not a castle because they’re with you. So I think it’s really important to keep the main thing the main thing. And that’s, you know, always people.

Julie Hilsen (41:44)
and I do have to share, this is part of my book. I have a whole thing of values and I have my readers pick their value, the top five, and then their dream life, they put their values in their star. But I, you I was guided to, the angels helped me write my book. So I think we have some of the same God influence that we’re looking at this stuff in a –

David Ask (41:49)
Okay.

That’s awesome.

Julie Hilsen (42:10)
I’m taking it from my feminine and you’re bringing in your masculine and I just love when the roads converge. So just delighted to have this space with you today. Thank you.

David Ask (42:18)
Hmm. Well.

Thanks for having me.