Julie Hilsen (00:06)
Dear God, goddess creator, thank you for bringing Rhonda and I together for this amazing time. I cherish this container that we’re creating. I call in my higher self, my guides, my angelic team, and Rhonda’s beautiful team. I ask them to collaborate and bring forth this message for the highest good, to bring forth curiosity and helping people see what’s possible.

giving the audience strength, give us clarity in our communication, and intensity of the signal to reach the ears that need to hear and the hearts which may soften with this message that we have to bring forth. I honor every energetic that has brought us to this place and I have gratitude for this time and the breath in my lungs and the people listening and sharing as we

elevate this world to the world that we can be most happy in and share our joy. So it’s with great delight, I collaborate and ask again for the beings of highest good to bring forth this beautiful message. I thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Rhonda Britten (01:13)
And so it is. So it is. Let it be so.

Julie Hilsen (01:15)
Yay! So it is.

Well, I always start out with this. Hello, dear friends, and welcome to another episode of Life of Love. We gather each week to explore what’s on our hearts. And a lot of times living a life of love is knowing yourself. And sometimes we forget that we’re the center of our life of love. It’s not our relationships with everyone else. It starts with us. And so this beautiful soul, Rhonda Britton, has

agreed to be on my show and we’ve just had such a great connection. I took her class this morning and it’s just she’s a delight and I’m just honored. I mean she’s been in the likes of Oprah, she’s been on television, she’s been a coach and an inspiration for for decades right Rhonda?

Rhonda Britten (01:59)
That’s right, three decades,

three decades.

Julie Hilsen (02:02)
my gosh, I just love your joy and your energy and your humor. I’m just cracking up. feel like we’re kindred spirits. It’s just so fun.

Rhonda Britten (02:10)
Excellent. I

love that. We can be sisters.

Julie Hilsen (02:13)
I love it too, so much.

what you’ve been focusing on is fear, right? And conquering fears and yeah, I wanted to get in.

Rhonda Britten (02:18)
Yes.

And not even conquering fears, and not even conquering

fears, because there’s no such thing as conquering fears, you know? Fear is part and parcel of our neurobiology. you know, if everything, you know, since you pray at beginning of your time and set your intention, if everything is of God, if everything is of the higher self, if everything is of the universe, fear is part and parcel of that as well. And we just have to be able to use that for our good.

Julie Hilsen (02:25)
Mmm.

I like that. It’s the acceptance. We’re not avoiding anything or I shouldn’t have said conquering. I’m glad you, I’m glad you not corrected me, but steered us in the direction of acceptance and, you know, looking at even the things that we don’t like to look at the shadows in our, in our minds and our psyches. They’re all part of us. You’re right. They’re all part of our collective and it’s easy to, try to put them in the corner and be like, we’ll pull you out when…

Rhonda Britten (02:47)
That’s right.

And yeah,

but but they never stay in the corner do they right they never stay in the corner So, you know, that’s the thing when we try to avoid it only makes them bigger and I heard this I don’t remember who it was So, please forgive me for the person who actually said this but I just was watching some video somewhere and he said something so wonderful He said as we get closer to our light So as we get closer like let’s say this is the you know, this is you know God itself or our higher self or our mission or purpose

Julie Hilsen (03:12)
They did not.

Rhonda Britten (03:37)
And as we get closer to that sun, we have a bigger shadow. And I’d never really thought of it like that before, right? So as we get bigger to the sun, we naturally have a bigger shadow. And it’s like the shadow and fear are one and the same to me, they’re the same thing. And it’s there to guide us and to love us and to support us and to help us. And we just have interpreted it in a way that disempowers us.

Julie Hilsen (04:03)
And that’s like the core of what’s so beautiful about your message is that it’s this bringing to the psychological part of you set goals, but there’s a psychological component that comes with those goals. And if you aren’t willing to look at the fear around why those are goals, why you haven’t done it already, you know, like you’re,

You guys have to take her class on her her on her website it’s so good you have your comfort zone that’s everything that it is and then your stretch and that’s things that you you know the first steps to take and then you have your risk. And so you know that visual is just so amazing because you can take it, you can take it, you know in little increments or just acknowledge that yes, this is this is something that it’s a goal because.

Rhonda Britten (04:32)
That’s right. That’s right.

Julie Hilsen (04:53)
I’ve had this static around it and this is my fear, my resistance, my, what do call it when you don’t want to do something? Procrastination. It’s all related to your ego, your fear trying to protect you and keep you safe. And so good, you can tell I just dove in.

Rhonda Britten (05:04)
you

you

Yeah, yeah. Yeah,

well, if you, know, if you have a goal, a dream, anything that you want to make happen in your life, and, you know, there’s a real big difference between you creating your goal and dream right from your own manmade, I’ve got to do this in order to solve a problem versus it coming from source itself and gifted to you, right, the nudge within. So when you have a nudge or when it’s your own manmade goal or your woman made goal, either way, they are going to cause

They’re here to make us grow. They’re here to expand us. They’re here to support us in becoming who we’re meant to be. They’re here to help us, you know, live the life our soul intended, right? And so when we’re on our way to living the life our soul intended, gang, it’s all about how much can we be our true nature? How much can we live in our true nature? How much, like you said, I love in your intention in the, when we started today, it’s softening your heart. You know, how much can you be authentically you? And that’s not easy to do. It is not like a,

Being authentic, I think, is the most amazing journey in the world because it will take everything for us to be authentic. And I’m not talking about the authentic of like, this is the way I am. That’s not authentic. That is you staying stuck in the muck of your journey, right? I’m just the way I am and I just can’t, this is who I am and you just have to accept me the way I am and I don’t have to change, you just have to change. No, that is not loving and that is not accepting yourself. That’s not authentic. Authentic is a you know, real…

You know, plowing the seed, to speak, plowing the field and really seeing what those seeds are underneath and actually making a commitment to plant those. So yeah, I mean, the stretch risk and die zone is, like you said, the comfort zone is, you know, when we’re sitting on the couch eating Doritos, right? When we’re just hanging out there, you know, doing, you know, doing, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Like, you know, doing what we normally do and try to avoid the world or things that are, I shouldn’t even say avoiding the world. Cause the comfort zone could also be things that you’re already really good at. Right.

Julie Hilsen (07:04)
Mm-hmm.

Rhonda Britten (07:04)
You’re really good at it. So you’re an artist and you’re really good at it. That’s your comfort zone. So whatever you’re comfortable in is your comfort zone. Well, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, it’s also things that you, I like to say it this way, wherever your life is right now is your comfort zone. So if you are unhappy in your relationship, that’s your comfort zone. If you love your job, that’s your comfort zone. If you hate your job, that’s your comfort zone.

Julie Hilsen (07:10)
Like your autopilot, like things that you don’t, this just comes. Okay, I like that.

Rhonda Britten (07:29)
If you’re getting along with your family, that’s your comfort zone. If you don’t get along with your family, that’s your comfort zone. Wherever you are in your life in this moment at this time, snapshot, this is your comfort zone. Otherwise you would not be doing it. So things are, you know, things are hard, things are easy. It doesn’t matter. It’s what you know. So think of comfort zone as what you know. And then like you said, the stretch zone around it is the things you know you can do, you just haven’t done.

And I call that the beat up zone too, because that’s where we’re the most ruthless of ourselves. Things we know we can do that we’re not doing is when we’re so mean to ourselves. And then the next ring is risk, the risk zone, which is, don’t know if I can do it. I don’t know. I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t know. I could maybe, I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. And then the die zone is I would rather die than do that. And it is the very thing that we are actually dying to do, right? We’re literally dying to do it and we’re so afraid we’re going to die if we do. So I help people see.

Julie Hilsen (08:04)
Hmm.

Rhonda Britten (08:25)
how fear surrounds each one of those rings, right? There’s a ring of fear around each one of those. So people beat themselves up from their comfort to their stretch zone, but there’s a ring of fear around the comfort zone. It doesn’t even want you to do the stretch zone, the things you know. So, you know, I’m going to give that to everyone who’s listening or watching today, fearlessliving.org forward slash risk, RISK. can go download the video, watch the videos. can download the workbook and get the worksheets and

And really the crux of it is, that it’s allowing you to switch your opinion, switch your perception, switch your idea of what fear is. Because that’s what we want to do today, right? We want to help people understand how fear could support us rather than debilitate us.

Julie Hilsen (09:09)
Yeah, and I think that the hardest part is that, you know, that shame in your stretch zone. It’s like, and you look at other, I don’t know, I guess we’re programmed to look at other people and gauge where we are. And then that invites in competition, judgment. And it’s just like, you can beat yourself up before you start because you’re not the same as that person. And maybe they’re really good at hiding their fear.

Rhonda Britten (09:29)
That’s right.

Julie Hilsen (09:36)
You don’t know the walk that they walk. You can never know. You only know the walk that you walk. And so like when we go to school, we’re given grades and we’re always compared to other people and we take entrance exams to go to college. So we have this in our subconscious that our success or our happiness is always tied to how we’re interacting with other people or how we measure up. And so I love how this lens of your target

It takes all that competition judgment out of it because this is just where you are and you accept it authentically. This is your reality. And so it’s really powerful because you can chip away at that competition and that comparison and catch yourself doing it. And it’s okay to do it, but change it to, I’m really happy for that person. Not, want to be that or I want to see, I was just listening to this book of

Rhonda Britten (10:08)
Mm-hmm.

Julie Hilsen (10:33)
the dragon women of Tehran. And they talk about in the Iranian culture, there’s the evil eye. Have you heard of this? It’s a big theme in the book and it’s how you can be jealous and you can invite this negativity with coveting somebody else’s situation and downplaying how wonderful or good you are because someone else might feel less than and you know,

Rhonda Britten (10:35)
Mmm.

Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Julie Hilsen (11:02)
give you the evil eye. it’s just like, it’s so timely that we’re talking about this right now. Because, you know, this is these are things that are built up in our cultures. And it’s a cross culture. It’s I know my mom would always we have four kids and she’d always be comparing us and I know she’s trying to bring us all up. Like, yes, we do our best. But also that competition model can be very degrading when

Rhonda Britten (11:07)
Yeah.

Yeah, I mean.

Julie Hilsen (11:30)
when you don’t feel like you’re measuring up or you always feel like you got to show up to perform to be worthy. And so I love how this takes the worthiness out. It’s like, no, you have this higher, your higher self wants you to do something. You have this wish, whatever it is, and it’s yours. So you don’t need to compete with anyone else. You compete against your stretch and your risk and your die.

Rhonda Britten (11:35)
Yep. Yeah.

I see.

Stretch, risk or die. Yeah. Yeah.

And another thing to think about competition, you know, that’s part of our neurobiology. So fear is part of our neurobiology. There’s no getting rid of it. And it is about becoming friends with it, mastering it, understanding how it works so that it no longer runs our life. And but the competition and, you know, the jealousy, so to speak, when we are in that state of jealousy, it’s really

Julie Hilsen (11:59)
Hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Rhonda Britten (12:19)
allowing us to seek, if you, if you really want to learn from your jealousy and you really want to learn from your competition, when you are feeling jealous, ask yourself, what is it that I’m denying myself that they’re allowed to do? What am I denying myself that they’re allowed to do? Cause I was, I remember when I was first, I wasn’t a coach yet. was doing work and I, I had a friend.

Julie Hilsen (12:23)
Mm-hmm.

Rhonda Britten (12:44)
And her name was Sharon and we waitress together and we would leave the cocktail bar we waitress that at, you one o’clock in the morning and we’d go to a coffee shop. And for the next two to three hours, I would explain to her what I’m reading or learning. And she just didn’t get it. Right. And I, and I wanted to move forward in my life, but I had this deep loyalty because, you know, I lost my parents when I was younger. So I have a deep loyalty and I didn’t want to leave without her. And, know, and again, this is all unconscious.

And so I spent seven years, want you to hear seven years trying to get her to get it so that she would get it. And then we could get, we could get going and go forward. Okay. I wanted to link. wanted to, I wanted to link arms. Okay. So it’s about seven years, right. Got seven years. would use spoons. use forks. She probably actually taught me how to coach out of her inability to get it. And I had to come up with a really creative ways to do it. Right.

Julie Hilsen (13:22)
You wanted to link arms with your sister and take her with you.

Love it.

Rhonda Britten (13:39)
And at the end

of seven years, she looked at me at one of our talks and she goes, I’m going to teach a workshop in a month. I’m like, excuse me. Like what? And she goes, yeah, I’m going to teach this workshop because, know, I know all this stuff. And I’m like looking at her, like, how dare you, how dare you think that you can teach a workshop. I’ve been teaching this to you for seven years, like, and, and you just got it yesterday, you know,

And she looked at me and said to me, this has nothing to do with you. You you didn’t help me. And I’m like, I remember my heart, just my dagger in the heart, right? Just a dagger in the heart. And I asked myself, I was so upset that she had the goal to teach a workshop. And when I stopped and asked myself, what is this jealousy really about? Well, it’s because I really wanted to teach a workshop. I really wanted to teach a workshop.

Julie Hilsen (14:27)
Mm-hmm.

Rhonda Britten (14:29)
So our jealousy actually points us to what is really wanting to be birthed within us and that we are afraid to do. So if you’re jealous of somebody’s car and you think it’s because they know how to make money, then you want to learn how to master money in this lifetime, perhaps. Or if you think, they get it because their life is easy because their mother loved them or something. It’s like, yeah, okay, well, you want love. Got it. So, all right, work on expanding your ability and capacity to learn to accept love.

Because many times when we’re wanting

Julie Hilsen (14:57)
So you’re saying use that

jealousy to fuel your mission, your goal.

Rhonda Britten (15:00)
to point the way for you, to point the way for you. Cause a lot of people

when they’re jealous, won’t admit that what they want is what the other person has. You know, I didn’t want to admit that I wanted to teach a workshop. First of all, I never taught anything. I wasn’t a coach yet. I was like, who am I to teach? And Sharon though was like, I’m going to go teach a workshop. And her naive boldness pissed me off, you know? Like how dare she have the right to do that? And that’s the key, right?

How dare she have the right? I didn’t have the right, right? Cause in my mind, I had to click all these boxes and I had to prove myself and I had to earn it and I had to be asked and I had to write. had all these things that I had to do in order to earn the right to teach a workshop. And she just went, I’m going go teach a workshop. And I couldn’t believe she had the gall to do that. Doesn’t she know the rules? Doesn’t she know? Right. And that’s what we do. So when you’re jealous, when you’re envious, when you’re bitter,

When you’re, you and you feel entitled when you think I deserve this, right? All that deserving stuff. Look at it through the lens of what is it that I am seeking that I am not willing to embrace? What is it that I am wanting to express, but I’m not willing to give myself permission to do it. Where are my rules that I am putting in between me and that?

And when we do that, we’re all of a sudden, all the things we’re jealous of, all the things we’re bitter about, all the things we regret even, all the things that hold us back because it’s like, how dare they? They’re horrible. They don’t see me. They should love me. All of a sudden, we’re like, wait a minute. I have more power than I think. I have more power than I know. Wow, really? I have more power? You mean what? I have choice? And even though we logically know this, many of us,

Julie Hilsen (16:34)
Mm-hmm.

Rhonda Britten (16:48)
from an intellectual place, from reading books and listening to people like you and me, it doesn’t mean we can live it, right? It doesn’t mean we know how to do it, even though we know it logically, it hasn’t gotten down into ourselves. It hasn’t gotten down to our heart. It hasn’t gotten down to our bones, right? So every time that we are willing to look at the places where we’re small, where we’re closed, where we’re, you know, jealous, where fear is telling us how dare they, or how dare you even, right? How dare me.

then it’s giving us a door into our next opportunity to embrace more of ourselves. And by the way, when we’re having emotion about that jealousy, it’s actually meant that we’re supposed to do it. We wouldn’t feel so jealous if we weren’t meant to do that. So when you’re jealous, just know that you’re seeing something that you know is something that’s in your imprint, something that you are meant to experience in this lifetime.

and they’re giving themselves permission to have it and you are not.

Julie Hilsen (17:51)
I that. I love to give permission slips. So here’s your permission slip to look at the rules that you put on yourself, these hurdles that you put in front of yourself that makes you worthy to have those things, to have the love, the acceptance, the relationships, the car, whatever it is, it can be material, can be, a lot of times like emotional connections are so…

Rhonda Britten (17:53)
Yes.

Whatever it is.

Julie Hilsen (18:17)
so fulfilling on a level that, you know, that it makes it elusive also. So, you know, when you get that car and you sit in the driver’s seat, you’re like, yeah, I got this car. But sometimes you don’t even realize you’re on your way. Like, you’re not going through the negotiation and buying the extended warranty on your friendship. Like, you don’t know these steps that you’re going through to get these connections that are tangible. you know, and I love how you

Rhonda Britten (18:37)
That’s right. That’s right. That’s right.

Julie Hilsen (18:46)
you build up confidence in this process by acknowledging the small steps and take it, you you take the part that might have been a stretch and now it’s part of your normal and your risk becomes your stretch. And so you’re honoring that path and you can always go back to, you know, the groundwork you laid when you first set your goal.

Rhonda Britten (18:57)
That’s right.

Julie Hilsen (19:07)
I have to tell you my last episode that I recorded yesterday, she’s talked about forgiveness and it’s amazing because she was like, forgive the small stuff first. Like forgive the couch you were sitting on when the argument happened. Forgive the house.

Rhonda Britten (19:20)
Yeah. Daily forgiveness,

daily forgiveness. That’s right. That’s right. Whatever you can do, know, forgive your thumb for having a little arthritis, know, right? Forgive the arthritis itself, right? Forgive everything. Like there’s nothing, anything that you hurt or harm, anything that you think is holding you back, anything that you’re mad at, anything that you have negative emotions to, i.e. there’s no such thing as negative emotions, but…

Julie Hilsen (19:25)
Start with these little ones and then you can…

Mmm.

Rhonda Britten (19:48)
We interpret them that way. Anything like that is a place for forgiveness. So I absolutely believe in daily forgiveness. Forgiveness is something that gives us our heart back. We reclaim ourselves through forgiveness. So, and that is for many people, a stretch risk or die is forgiving. Not only forgiving the people that have hurt or harmed us in the past, but also organizations, know, religions. So it’s forgiving institutions.

Julie Hilsen (20:04)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Rhonda Britten (20:14)
And also forgiving, usually for most of us, the hardest person to forgive is ourselves. How we’ve betrayed ourselves, how we’ve ignored ourselves, how we’ve made quote unquote, we think poor decisions. And in those moments, we get to remember that what if, what if, crazy thoughts, what if, just what if, what if, what if, what if, what if, if, what if, that everything is divinely guided. What if everything has been laid out before us and everything is what you’re meant to experience so that you can wake up.

and become true to yourself, right? So that you can wake up. So you get to decide when you wake up. You get to decide when you wanna wake up and become more true to yourself and allow fear to be your friend and allow fear to guide you rather than own you.

Julie Hilsen (20:57)
like how you said, talk to the fear. I see you. Thanks for showing up. I know you care about me. I know you’re looking out for me, but I’ve got this, you know? Yeah.

Rhonda Britten (21:03)
I, that’s right. Fear loves you. Yeah, that’s right. Fear loves

you. It thinks you’re the awesomest, sauces, and it wants to keep you alive. So fear only has one job and one job only, it’s to keep you alive. It doesn’t care about your happiness. It doesn’t care about your purpose. It doesn’t care about your goal. It doesn’t care about, you know, how much love you have in the world. It doesn’t care about any of that. It only cares about your survival. And it thinks that it is in charge of your survival. And this is the thing that most people don’t recognize is that

It’s not just physical survival, it’s emotional survival. So, know, fear in our physical, like, you know, I’m not a particular person that loves heights. Okay. So you won’t find me bungee jumping. I have jumped out of a plane and I have done a hot air balloon and I’ve done a lot of height things. But bungee jumping, think I’m gonna leave that aside, right? But when we are going to those physical fears, most of us go, oh, I don’t like snakes or…

Julie Hilsen (21:35)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Rhonda Britten (21:58)
You know, I don’t like heights and everybody goes, yeah, me neither. I don’t like that either. Right. have full permission to have physical fears, but we do not have permission to have emotional fears and emotional fears are what run our day to day life. It is not our physical fears. Most of us, I don’t have to go on the top of a building every day to do my work. I don’t have to face my physical fears, but I do have to face my emotional fears and I do have to, you know, welcome them and build a relationship with them.

so that they do not own me. So that’s where we get discombobulated when it comes to fear, is most people come to me and go like, well, I’m already fearless, because they maybe scuba dive or jump out of planes, right? And I’m like, yes, you’re physically fearless, but now we want to talk about your emotional fearlessness. Can you say I love you? Can you ask for forgiveness? Can you forgive? Are you free of regret? Have you let go of bitterness? And asking these types of questions, and most people are like gulp, gulp, gulp, gulp.

No, I do that. It’s like, yeah, those are emotional fears. You those are emotional fears. Yeah, yeah, yeah, those are emotional fears. you know, people, so it’s a lovely thing when we start recognizing that the things that we think are character flaws of ourselves, things that we think are wrong with us, things that we’d like to change, things that we think are, this is who I am and I hate this about me, are really just fear responses. They’re just responses to being, to a fear, to our core, what I call the core fear. They’re not anything else.

Julie Hilsen (22:57)
The hands start getting sweaty.

Rhonda Britten (23:23)
They’re not anything else. So you being procrastinator, anybody being a procrastinator, it’s not a character flaw. It’s not that you’re a horrible person or no procrastination is a symptom is a fear response from a core fear. For people pleasing is a risk is a is a fear response from your core fear. Right. So overwhelm anxiety, judgment, unforgiveness, comparing competing, irritation, powerlessness.

Julie Hilsen (23:23)
you

Rhonda Britten (23:50)
People you know any of the things that you think anyone thinks that are what’s wrong with me? Why do I do this? I want you to interpret that right away as okay. Well, that’s a fear response. That’s that’s not me. I’m not there’s nothing wrong with me That’s not that’s not a character flaw. That is literally a fear response and it literally is a signal saying to you Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute We got something going on that we do not know we cannot guarantee your safety here

We cannot guarantee that you will be successful. We cannot guarantee that you’re going to come out of this smelling like roses. We do not know something. So freedom, what I always say is freedom equals your ability to live in the unknown. Your ability to be free equals your ability to live in the unknown. So if you have to know everything, fear runs your life. If you have to plan everything and never be spontaneous, fear runs that area of your life. know, so we want to actually look at our lives and go, okay, wait a minute.

If fear is part of our neurobiology and it’s part and parcel of who I am, and fear is just all these fear responses that I do, things I hate about myself, things I wish I could change about myself, if those are simply fear responses, then that doesn’t sound so bad. Yeah, it doesn’t sound so bad, now does it? And we can actually take our lives back and we can retrain fear by creating new neural pathways so that fear then, you have to actually create safety for fear.

Julie Hilsen (24:59)
Hmm.

Mm.

Rhonda Britten (25:12)
So as

you learn how to create new neural pathways, fear goes, okay, okay, I think she, does she really got this? Okay, wait a minute, she might have, wait, she might have this. And it literally sets you free and goes, I guess you got this, go ahead and go, right? So, but we’re the ones that have to train fear. Instead, fear’s training us.

Julie Hilsen (25:26)
Mm-hmm.

Right, and I think it’s easy to ignore yourself.

Rhonda Britten (25:35)
It’s easy to ignore yourself until you’re awake because then the pain then it becomes so great. Right? The disappointment becomes so great. The, can’t believe I’m here, it becomes so great. Right? So yes, we can totally live a life and not pay attention to any of these things. And I’m not even saying that’s not a good way to go if that supports you in this lifetime. But if you are wishing something different, if you are

Julie Hilsen (25:35)
Until you’re awake and then you’re like

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Rhonda Britten (26:01)
in any way, shape or form, beating yourself up at all, at all, at all, then we gotta look at fear. Because beating yourself up in the world of fearless living is not allowed. No beating yourself up. So if you think something’s wrong with you, if you think something I should gotta change this or else, or I’m horrible because any of that negative self-talk disempowers you and seeps your energy from your very ear, like literally seeps your energy from your very soul. So we want to…

Julie Hilsen (26:13)
you

Rhonda Britten (26:27)
be able to have all our tools and resources available to us in order to live the life our soul intended. We’ve got to be a partner with our soul, not the enemy. And when we listen to fear, we’re actually telling our soul, yeah, you can’t live your purpose. Yeah, yeah, you can’t do what you’re here to do. No, I don’t think we’re gonna do it this lifetime. It’s like, what? And then who feels deflated and who feels depressed and who eats bonbons on the couch and who…

Julie Hilsen (26:37)
Hmm.

Rhonda Britten (26:55)
you know, uh, things, horrible things of themselves. We do, we do. And we have so much power and we get to wake up and make a choice. But waking up as, as you’ve been saying is it’s a scary thing because when we wake up, we recognize how much we have been hand in hand with fear rather than with our, with our self and soul. But the good news is that we bring back in forgiveness and forgiveness. Forgiveness is a wonderful tool.

Julie Hilsen (27:16)
Mm-hmm.

Rhonda Britten (27:23)
to remind us that we are all on this journey and we are all trying to figure this out.

Julie Hilsen (27:28)
Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, what’s so delicious about all this is that we’re creative beings. You know, even if you’re not an artist, you’re always your soul wants to create what you were put here for. And so this ties into that whole, know, how do you fulfill your mission? You look at these things. They’re they’re big D on signs saying Julie, Rhonda, you know, check this out.

Rhonda Britten (27:36)
It’s real.

That’s right.

Yep.

Julie Hilsen (27:56)
You can find new happiness. You can reach those goals. Like you said, the sky is the limit. We’re not going to play, you you and I aren’t going to be in the NFL, obviously, but if it’s in your field and it’s something that is something you want to do, go for it. I love this story about your friend who went to college in her sixties. She went and got her degree.

Rhonda Britten (28:07)
Mm-hmm.

Yep.

That’s right. That’s right. My good friend went to college in her sixties. Yes. And she has wanted to degree her whole life. And she was like, I’m going to get it. And then I don’t know if when I was teaching the, if when I created structures could die, if at the time she also, got breast cancer. And so she, while she was in college, her last year of school, she was diagnosed with breast cancer and she just kept going to school. She was like, I am.

finishing, I am going to get this degree. And between her chemo, you know, and her radiation, she went to classes and just did the best she could, slow down a little bit, right? Slow down a little bit. But she now has a degree. She is cancer free. And, you know, that is part of her purpose. And I want, I everyone to think like, you know, if, if we come into this world to live, to fulfill our mission, as you say, know, fulfill our mission.

And I want you just to everybody to imagine that when we decided to come into this world, we are basically throwing our hat around, you over the wall. You know how that the whole saying goes, you know, throw your hat over the wall and you have to go chase it. You have to go get your hat. And so you, you push something out so that you must learn what you must learn in order to go get your hat. Well, as we come into this world, imagine that this is your way of throwing your hat in.

Julie Hilsen (29:25)
Mm.

Rhonda Britten (29:38)
And now we, each individual human being, if we’re like, okay, well, I’m here for purpose. I’m here for destiny. I’m here to unfold my soul. I’m here to live my purpose. Okay, got it. Then I, my, my primary job is to become the person who can fulfill that, who can live in that place. And that is where we get to discover what we’re really here for, right? And what we’re really meant for. So.

You’re not here to sit on the couch eating Doritos. That’s not what you’re here for. That’s not what you and I are here for. one’s here for that. But we are here to, I’m gonna step back. Most people I know have felt a tug at their heart at some point. Some things turn them on, right? They’ve been watching a show or TV or something and something pulled at their heart. Or they’ve been out in the world and something pulled at their heart, right? And they’re like, my God, that song was so great. my God, I wish I could do that, right? God, I wish I learned how to sing.

I wish I knew how to play guitar. I wish I could get on those ice skates. Any of those moments of are your sign that that is part of your journey. It doesn’t mean you have to become an Olympic skater, but it’s like, okay, well, what if you went and put those skates on? Or let’s say they’re not skates, but let’s say there’s some other physical activity that you could practice. Maybe you get on skates with walking sticks.

And so there’s so many ways that we can enhance our aliveness. And when we have that nudge, it’s calling us to be more alive, to be more in the world, in the world of aliveness. So fear is the only thing that stops us from doing that, because we believe fear over our own intuition, over our own souls calling, over our own nudges.

Julie Hilsen (31:19)
More aliveness. I’m on that. I invite that and I hold space for it. It’s beautiful. Oh my gosh. I’m going to put a link to your offering, the free class, in the show notes so people can just click it and go. And I did it this morning. I mean, you can do it. It’s broken up into three parts. Well, there’s four parts, the introduction and the three content and then the…

Rhonda Britten (31:24)
Yeah.

That’s right.

videos.

Julie Hilsen (31:47)
than the celebration of your graduation. It’s so good. I did it all.

Rhonda Britten (31:50)
That’s right. That’s right. That’s right. That’s

right. I mean, this is the whole thing gang, know, fear is fear is fear. And we all have fear. And, you know, I believe that our destiny so everybody if you just want to just think for a minute, what is the worst day of your life? What is the most toughest day of your life? Maybe the day that you keep replaying in your mind that, you know, that’s why you can’t have something. That’s why you’re the way you are.

You know, this is the way we’re stuck. know, our worst days usually sadly define us more than anything. And I believe that our worst days, our hardest days, our most days we’d like to forget are actually contain the seat of our destiny. And I had a horrific day when I was 14 years old. And when I was 14, I was raised in a little tiny town up in Michigan, 365 inches of snow a year.

And the town was so small, we only had two restaurants, Douglas House Buffet Hotel and Big Boy. had no fast foods, nothing. McDonald’s was an hour and a half away. If you went to Marquette, it was the big town and everybody said, did you go to McDonald’s? Cause that was the big thing. Like if you went to McDonald’s, you were cool, right? Big, big boy tater tots too. Big boy tater tots. Yeah, that’s right. Those tater tots were good.

Julie Hilsen (32:57)
It was a big… Hey, but big boy malts were so good. We had a big boy in my hometown.

Rhonda Britten (33:10)
Can you imagine all of us, 13, 14 year olds, waitresses, I just think of them, all the waitresses are like stuck with us because there’s no place else for us to go, right? And we’re like counting our pennies for our one thing of tater tots for like 20 of us, right? So we have big boy and we have the Douglas house and my parents were recently separated and today was father’s day. And my father was coming out to take us to Sunday brunch, which was a big deal. Like I said, that’s a big deal.

Julie Hilsen (33:17)
There’s nowhere else to go.

your time.

Rhonda Britten (33:36)
And so my mother was in her bedroom, putting up her hairdo up and putting on her blue eyeshadow and putting on her rose color lipstick. My two sisters were in the one bathroom we had fighting it out. And my dad walks in the back door, come on, come on girls, let’s go, let’s go, let’s go, because that’s dads do. And me and my mom start walking out. My sister’s still in the bathroom fighting it out. And as we walk out, my dad notices it’s starting to rain. So he says, hey, I got to get my coat from the car.

Julie Hilsen (33:53)
Mm-hmm.

Rhonda Britten (34:02)
Now this coat is a tan, Nogahide leisure suit coat. And if you’re old enough to remember, that was hot. That was hot. That was hot, hot, hot. So my dad put the key into his trunk and lifts the back and is about to grab his coat. And out of the corner of my eye, I noticed he does not grab a coat, but he grabs a gun and he starts yelling at my mother, you made me do this. You made me do this. And he fires.

And I start yelling, dad, what are you doing, dad? What are you doing? Stop, dad. What are you doing? Stop. And he cocks the gun again. And he points it at me. And I believe I’m next. And he blinks and I blink. He blinks and I blink. And my mother with her last breath literally sees what’s happening and yells out, don’t. And my father takes that gun intended for me, shoots my mother a second time.

Julie Hilsen (34:29)
Whoa.

Rhonda Britten (34:53)
And that bullet goes through her abdomen, her back, lands in the car horn, and for the next 20 minutes, all I hear is, and then my father cocks the gun one more time, puts it to his head and fires. And in a matter of two minutes, I was the sole witness of watching my father murder my mother and commit suicide. Now, I don’t know how other people would respond, but this is how I responded. It’s my fault because I did nothing heroic. I was the only one out there that could have physically changed it. I didn’t grab the gun.

I didn’t kick my father in the shins. I didn’t even jump in front of my mother. So when you witness your father murdering your mother and committing suicide, when you witness your mother dying and you did nothing, you don’t get to be happy. That’s off the table. Happiness, see you later, bye bye, right? And so for the next 20 years on that day, I like to think of it as I split into the inside realm and the outside realm. And I don’t think I’m alone here that we split in two right?

Julie Hilsen (35:33)
Mm-hmm.

yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Right, right.

Rhonda Britten (35:45)
And the

outside me was fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. get still get straight A’s in school. I become class president. I get a full ride to college. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. My flight doesn’t affect me at all. Right. And the internal Rhonda blames herself, shames herself. So much guilt and shame, low self-worth, low self-esteem. I don’t have a right to anything. And this is how I walk into the world. I’m two people.

And which one’s going to win? Well, we know that most of the time the internal one wins, especially when we’re feeling vulnerable, when we’re trying to take a risk, when anything happens, and when we’re trying to pretend nothing bad’s happening. So for the next 20 years, I found alcohol, became an alcoholic, got three DUIs, tried to kill myself three times. And it was that third time that I tried to kill myself.

Julie Hilsen (36:34)
Thank

Rhonda Britten (36:38)
that I realized I’m not very good at killing myself, not skilled at it. And I got to figure out another way. Now, when you try to kill yourself three times, they do put you in a psychiatric ward for evaluation. So I was in there for a few days getting evaluated and they deemed me not crazy and they let me go home. And I remember walking into my little studio apartment at the time and thinking to myself, I don’t, there’s gotta be, if I’m going to stay alive,

Julie Hilsen (36:44)
Thank

Mm.

Rhonda Britten (37:03)
Cause I

wanted to die. I keep waking up from trying to kill myself, if I can’t exit, I guess I’m supposed to stay here. But God, I can’t keep living like this. Now, mind you, in those years between when I was drinking DUI and trying to kill myself, I read my first self-help book when I was 12. At 13, I was planning to be a minister. I was way into self-help and growth. I love learning.

Julie Hilsen (37:06)
If you can’t get out, if you can’t exit, yeah.

Right.

Rhonda Britten (37:30)
So all during those years where I was living in internal hell and pretending I was fine, I was going to therapy. I was going to workshops. I was reading books. So I was gathering a lot of knowledge and gathering a lot of tools, right? Which was awesome. But none of those tools and none of those, none of that knowledge took away the feeling that there’s something wrong with me. Like there’s, there’s something wrong with me. There has to be something wrong with me. So in that, my little studio apartment that day,

Julie Hilsen (37:52)
All right.

Rhonda Britten (38:00)
I said to God, I have to start over and what do kindergarteners do? And I thought, well, they get gold stars on a calendar. So I went to the store, got gold stars and a calendar, and I actually gave myself a gold star. I still have this calendar, by the way. I have gold stars every day. Anytime I did anything good. And I’m talking about got angry and didn’t break anything. Yay me, woo, I didn’t break anything. Yay, I’m amazing, right? So I gave myself stars and at the end of a month, I had a calendar filled with gold stars.

And I knew at that moment I had hope. And it wasn’t until, I kept going on my journey then, but it wasn’t until I really discovered fear that I uncovered why I thought there was something wrong with me. Why I had this unnerving feeling that there’s something fundamentally wrong, that I’m somehow flawed, somehow damaged, somehow broken, somehow something.

is wrong with me, that I can never get over. It was only when I really accepted and then uncovered fear. Because during those 20 years, if you would have asked me after my parents died, if I was afraid, I would have said no. I I grew up in a culture where we didn’t have feelings and afraid. literally, even after every suicide attempt, if you asked me if I was afraid, I would have said no. If you would have asked me waking up, coming up from a hangover and getting drunk the night before.

Julie Hilsen (39:11)
Right.

Rhonda Britten (39:23)
If you would have asked me if I was afraid, I would have been like, no, I’m not afraid. I really 100 % believed I had no fear. 100 % was completely oblivious to how all those decisions I made were run by fear. And it wasn’t until I surrendered and really saw fear for what it was and accepted that I had fear. And then of course, eventually discovered the, I call the wheel of fear that I was actually able to change my life.

Because once you understand how fear works, you understand that that is the thing that’s telling you there’s something wrong with you. Fear is the thing that’s saying, she’s damaged. Fear is the thing that’s doing that because fear needs to control your life in order to keep you safe. So when you are awake and aware of what’s happening, then you are in charge of your life. And fear is going, wait a minute, wait a minute, how are you going to keep yourself safe? Wait, wait, I know how to do this.

And you’re like, no, got it. Thank you so much. Love you and all. you’re like, no. Fear’s like freaking out because it needs to keep you safe. And the only way fear knows how to keep you safe is to have you repeat the past over and over and over and over again. Different man, different job, different friend, different family member, different whatever, but it’s the same underlying story because those things, you’re still alive.

So you you know, so you hate somebody somebody hates you you’re still alive though. Yeah And that again is all fear cares about fear doesn’t care that you are connected and happy and joy does not care so you and I must retrain fear so we can take our lives back and It’s easier than one thinks and that’s why I created through the through the through the download of God You know the wheel of fear and the wheel of freedom

And those help you understand how fear literally works on a daily basis in your life. So you can identify it. You are become aware of it and you can shift it and get on what I call the wheel of freedom. So that’s what, and everybody has an individualized wheel of fear. Your wheel of fear is different than my wheel of fear. And so your wheel of fear is unique to you. It’s the same process. It’s the same for spokes that we go around that little lovely wheel that we spin around on.

but the way you do it is gonna be different than me. The word, your core fear is gonna probably be different than mine, but we all have one. So the more that we are willing to say, well, wait a minute, what if I’m wrong about everything? What if I’m wrong about everything? What if I’m not damaged? What if I’m not broken? What if there’s nothing wrong with me and it’s just fear? What if Rhonda is right? What if Rhonda is right? What if Rhonda is saying that…

Julie Hilsen (41:39)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm

Rhonda Britten (42:04)
I am not flawed or, or, you know, something wrong with me, but that fear is attempting to keep me stuck, small, safe, et cetera, in order to keep me alive. And the only way it can is for me to repeat the past. Okay. What if that’s true? What if, what if, what if, what if, and my

Julie Hilsen (42:22)
And that awareness

is where you start. That what if is, that’s the goo, that’s the jumping off. And man, I mean, I had a coach and she really worked hard for me to see mine. was always, my recurring fear is that I’m not good enough.

Rhonda Britten (42:27)
That is what is.

Okay, so I’m gonna stop you right there. That’s nice. But that is the generic version of the Wheel of Fear. So everybody’s fear is I’m not good enough, basically. Yeah, and…

Julie Hilsen (42:46)
Mm-hmm.

I have to, yeah, I’m constantly proving

my worth through what I can produce.

Rhonda Britten (42:54)
You mean, so when you

are run by fear, you produce, you focus on that. But when you’re in freedom, you do not do that, right? So that’s the thing, right? We need to, one of the things that I work with people on is, and you can get this in my book, Fearless Living. You can take the Fearless Living Transformation Program. There’s so many ways you can work with a coach. There’s so many ways that you can identify your wheel of fear and wheel of freedom. If you’re a reader, great, get the book.

Julie Hilsen (42:59)
Mm-hmm. Yep. Right.

Yeah.

Rhonda Britten (43:19)
If you like to watch videos and take classes then go through the fearless living transformation program because that is me step-by-step explaining all about fear and helping you discover your real fear or I teach it live sometimes I’m teaching it live coming up so then come and come and join me for the live one and then I help you through it and Then of course you can work with a certified fearless living coach There’s lots of ways you can identify your real fear because trust me you will not fear will not want you to identify it

Julie Hilsen (43:34)
awesome.

Nice.

Mm-mm.

Rhonda Britten (43:47)
So when

you say your core fear, i.e. your general fear is the fear of not being good enough, that’s everybody’s fear down basically. And then what we wanna do is we wanna individualize it. We want it to be applied to you and you only. So your fear is unique to you. My fear is unique to me. Georgina’s fear is unique to her. We all operate, it operates the same way, right? But it’s unique to you. It’s kind of like, if you think of astrology, right? We all have.

Julie Hilsen (43:53)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Rhonda Britten (44:15)
I’m a Sagittarius, you’re a Leo. we’re kind of similar. But when you get your real chart done, I mean, it’s unique to you. It’s like, wow. Okay, well, really I’m more like Scorpio, right? Again, whatever it is. And I always say I believe in astrology only if it works for me. Like if it works for me, I’ll, believe, but if it doesn’t work for me, I don’t believe it, right? So that’s, yeah.

Julie Hilsen (44:19)
Ha

Right. Yeah.

until it doesn’t. I agree. I’m fluid

in my beliefs like that too. I’m like, it works until it doesn’t. then

Rhonda Britten (44:39)
Yeah, it works. It works

as long as it’s for me, right? It works for me as long as it’s for me. If it’s against me, it’s good knowledge to have, but I’m not going to act as if that’s true, right? I’m not going to act as if that’s true. Yeah, yeah. So your fear of not being good enough is, is, is a nice generic fear. And I would say most people when they really do the work, get down to it. That’s what they’ll pop out of their mouth, but we want to individualize it. So it really, because when you get that fear, that’s really truly yours.

Julie Hilsen (44:48)
Right, right, you want to define your destiny, yeah.

Rhonda Britten (45:08)
it will literally take your breath away. It’ll literally, it will be like, all of a sudden what clients tell me over and over again is they understand why their life is the way it is. mean, they, they, they understand why they did, why they went to college, why they didn’t go to college, why they got married, why they got divorced. They understand every decision they ever made becomes, it’s like a life review. It’s like, Oh God, I know. Okay. I see it now. Okay. And that’s the good news. The good news is now you see it.

Julie Hilsen (45:20)
Mm-hmm.

Ha ha ha ha!

Mm-hmm.

Now you see it.

Rhonda Britten (45:38)
because my

opportunity, what my charge is, what my destiny is, what my purpose is, is to help people see their fear for what it is so they are no longer afraid to live the life their soul intended. And so I wanted to help people identify that unique fear so it really kicks in rather than just a simple generic one.

Julie Hilsen (45:48)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Well, I love that. After I took your course this morning, was like, man, had an hour and a half to work out and get ready for us. And my old self would have been like, well, I won’t have time to do the workout I want to do. So I’m not, I’m just going to, you know, go through my emails and check my Instagram feed. I said, no, I deserve a workout. I’m going to feel better if I work out. I’m going to do a 30 minute.

Rhonda Britten (46:16)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Julie Hilsen (46:25)
and I’m not gonna take a shower and it’s gonna be okay. And it’s not gonna be the perfect workout. I’m gonna accept the workout that I can do today and it’s good. So you gave me that gift today that I was like, it doesn’t have to be perfect and I’m not gonna put it off. I’m gonna say yes to my body and my mental clarity and you process things better if you can be active and take care of your body.

Rhonda Britten (46:27)
That’s right. That’s right. It’s gonna be okay.

That’s right. Yes.

That’s right.

100%.

That’s right. That’s right. We process when we’re walking. We process when we’re taking that shower. We process when we’re running. We process when we’re lifting a weight. I, so many, so many people actually how they process their emotional life and how they emotionally manage is through working out. So everybody doesn’t have to journal. Lifting weights is literally helping you process because a lot of the things that we’re processing is actually body sensations and body chemicals, right? It’s our chemicals.

Julie Hilsen (46:57)
Mmm.

you

Rhonda Britten (47:17)
So we want to allow those to move through us and we want to, you know, build a better relationship with them. So whether you want to go lift some weights or whether you want to go take a walk or whether you journal, all of that is helping you process your emotional life. And every single day we want to process what’s moving through us, whether we’re aware of it or not, right? Whether we’re aware of it or not, we want to process it so that we don’t carry it to the next day.

Julie Hilsen (47:18)
Hmm.

Rhonda Britten (47:45)
So if you’re sitting in bed at night and all those thoughts are keeping you awake, that means you didn’t process your emotions that day. That’s all that means. And so now you’re lying in bed and they’re all coming to the surface. So it’s like, OK, wait a minute. How could I process my emotions during the day so I don’t sit there and doom scroll or go over my day over and over? Well, we want to process. So again, whether that’s journaling, whether that’s

Julie Hilsen (47:55)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Rhonda Britten (48:12)
Whether that’s running whether that’s exercising whether that’s you know talking to a friend again, whatever it is But when you start recognizing that your emotional life is part of your health and well-being then you’ll be able to much more easily go to sleep and without those racing thoughts and Dream and allow your dreams to process emotions because when you’re dreaming when you’re going to sleep and dreaming those process emotions So by the way when I have a nightmare, I know that’s really good

because it’s processing some emotions that I’d prefer to have a nightmare about than live in the real world. Go ahead and give me a nightmare because I don’t actually want to live these things. So give me a nightmare to help me process all these fears and anxieties and worries and stresses, stressors. So yeah, when I have a nightmare, sure, I wake up a little like, my God, but I am like, whew, whew, didn’t have to live that in real life, whew, that’s good. I am okay with having a nightmare.

Julie Hilsen (48:42)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Rhonda Britten (49:09)
Yeah, yeah, yeah,

Julie Hilsen (49:10)
You made me think of Freddy Krueger in Nightmare on Elm Street.

thank you for sharing your story and your path. I know when you meet your dad on the other side, there’s going to be such clarity and I’m so happy that you were able to work through that and be here as a light. You are.

Rhonda Britten (49:15)
Yep.

Oh God, and my dad are like this. Me and my dad are like this, you know? Oh

my God, of course I forgave them. And I like to think of it as this, you know, me and my mom and dad are up in heaven. And again, we’re not mom, dad and daughter, right? We’re three angels hanging out. Like we’re like, oh, what do you want to do next lifetime? I don’t know. What do you want to do next lifetime? Oh, hey. And my dad says, again, he’s not my dad, but he goes, hey, why don’t we help people really get the fear thing down? And I’m like, oh yeah, let’s do that. Yeah, let’s get that fear thing.

Julie Hilsen (49:35)
Mm-hmm.

You

Rhonda Britten (49:58)
And he goes, Hey, why don’t you help people master fear? Me, me, help people master fear me because yeah, but something really bad is gonna have to happen. Really bad, really bad, really bad. I’m like, okay. And we’re all sitting up and having going, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he goes, okay, this life time, I’ll be the bad guy. And we’re like, really? Okay, he says, I’ll be the dad. How about I be the dad, you be the mom and you be the daughter. And you know what, I’ll kill you, I’ll kill myself and then you’ll witness it. And all three of us are like, yeah, yeah, that’ll be so great. wow.

That’ll be so good. Thank you. we agree. Yeah, that’s right. That’s right. That’s right. That’s right. Right. That’s right. That’s right. But we don’t care because we are here for a greater purpose. Right. And then I just forgot and had to crawl through glass, you know, become an alcoholic, get three DUIs, try to kill myself three times before I went, sugar beans. sugar beans. I’m here for a bigger assignment and woke myself up. Right. So.

Julie Hilsen (50:27)
And yeah, you’re up there in all the love and light and you forget how painful it’s going to be here in the third dimension.

Mm-hmm.

Rhonda Britten (50:54)
So me and my dad and my mom are like this. My dad, I love him and I know that whenever I speak or right now today, he’s with me and he breathes heaven within me. He helps me breathe in the heaven earth.

Julie Hilsen (51:03)
Mm-hmm.

I feel that.

I feel that so strong. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I can’t wait to share this and I appreciate all your insight and your wisdom and I’m gonna get your book. I’m really curious or maybe I’ll take another course. I like to read books. I have like three going. Well, thanks again, dear sister

Rhonda Britten (51:27)
I do too. I love books. Yeah.

Okay, be fearless.